Tweets for M.E. Awareness Month

 

Regular readers of this blog are aware that I am inter alia a person with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (pwME) and Fibromyalgia (FMS). Each May is celebrated annually as International M.E. Awareness Month due to the International M.E. Awareness Day falling on 12th May (Florence Nightingale’s birthday). This year, International M.E. Awareness Week, the week in which 12th May falls, is Monday 11th to Sunday 17th May.

[Image description: a blue equilateral triangle on a black background; above the apex the words MYALGIC ENCEPHALOMYELITIS; below the triangle base the slogan SILENCE=LIVING DEATH.]

I am categorised as having severe M.E.  For me, this means I sleep for on average 14.5 hours per day, but during the wintry weather I can sleep up to twenty-two hours in any twenty-four hour period. Additionally I am mostly bed-bound at this time of the year. My cognitive abilities are invariably worse in the cooler months. So, knowing this, I have prepared my tweets for the whole month.

Within each tweet I have placed multiple hashtags, some of which will not be appropriate at any given time, thus these will need to be deleted prior to posting.

If the reader wishes to use any of these pre-prepared tweets, you are at liberty to do so. However, please note that some may be deemed unsuitable for workplace-viewing. I leave it to the tweeters’ discretion whether or not to add the #NSFW hashtag.

After the thirty-five tweets, one will find two groups of hashtags. Again, feel free to copy and paste if wanted.

The tweets:

* tweet 1:

Computer-Usage for #pwME or other #ChronicIllnesses (2020).

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2021/03/computer-usage-for-pwme-or-other.html

* tweet 2:

Missing (2020) - a #poem reflecting on a #pwME’s personal losses due to #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2021/01/missing-poem.html

* tweet 3:

#PainPatches - a G_dsend! (2020) - #PainControl for a #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2021/01/pain-patches-gdsend.html

* tweet 4:

Life - Love, Lust & Loneliness (2020) - a #pwME living with the ramifications of #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2020/12/life-love-lust-loneliness.html

* tweet 5:

#InternationalMEAwarenessDay 2020 - a #pwME’s 100+ symptoms. #SevereME

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2020/05/international-me-awareness-day-2020.html

* tweet 6:

My #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis - My #ME (2018).

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2018/12/my-myalgic-encephalomyelitis-my-me.html

* tweet 7:

#ME (2018) - a #poem about a #pwME living with & the heartache of #SevereME

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2018/08/me.html

* tweet 8:

Possible “Class Action Against #PACE-Triallers?” (2017). #GET #CBT

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2017/09/class-action-against-pace-triallers.html

* tweet 9:

ATOS & #DWP question whether #disabled can go abroad (2017) - detailing one #pwME’s preparations for & after-effects of travel.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2017/05/atos-dwp-question-whether-disabled-can.html

* tweet 10:

#Masturbation & #ME (2017) - #sex a #pwME can engage in.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2017/05/masturbation-me.html

* tweet 11:

#DisabilityDiscrimination in #Trafford (2017) - a #pwME’s fight for #SocialCare. #SevereME

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2017/02/disability-discrimination-in-trafford.html

* tweet 12:

Tumblr & #ME (2016) - some difficulties in using websites for #pwME. #Accessibility

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/12/tumblr-me.html

* tweet 13:

#SevereMEDay 2016. #SevereME

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/08/severe-me-day-2016.html

* tweet 14:

Why I Share Personal Information Publicly (2016) - a #pwME attempts to raise #awareness.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/07/why-i-share-personal-information.html

* tweet 15:

Quotidian Losses: IMEAD2016 - what one #pwME lost to #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/05/quotidian-losses-imead2016.html

* tweet 16:

Art for All (2016) - making arts-venues #accessible for #disabled folk, incl. #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/05/art-for-all.html

* tweet 17:

And now: the Gallery… (2018) - #artworks that speak to a #pwME. NB artistic nudity!

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/05/and-now-gallery.html

* tweet 18:

My long-lost ability to read… (2016) - a #pwME’s fluctuating ability to read. #Aphasia #Dyslexia

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/04/my-long-lost-ability-to-read.html

* tweet 19:

My #Genealogy #Hobby: Researching My #FamilyTree (2016) - a possible #pastime for #bedbound #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2016/02/my-genealogy-hobby-researching-my.html

* tweet 20:

#FluJabs & #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis (2015) - #FluVaccinations for #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2015/10/flu-jabs-myalgic-encephalomyelitis.html

* tweet 21:

Coitus At Last! / "White" (2015) - working #sex round a #pwME’s #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2015/08/coitus-at-last-white.html

* tweet 22:

#SevereMEDay (2015). #SevereME

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2015/08/severe-me-day.html

* tweet 23:

Global Endemic Plague (2015 - so not Covid!) - #AwarenessRaising of the scale of #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2015/05/global-endemic-plague.html

* tweet 24:

We Live - Art for #BADD2015 - #artworks & a #poem on #disabled folk by a #pwME. NB artistic nudity!

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2015/05/we-live-art-for-badd2015-nb-nsfw.html

* tweet 25:

My MEstory: Life with #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis (2014) - short snippets extracted from almost a month’s SM posts by one #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2014/05/my-mestory-life-with-myalgic.html

* tweet 26:

#Addlement or #BrainFog (2014) - #Dyscognition, one of the main symptoms of #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2014/05/addlement-or-brain-fog.html

* tweet 27:

#InternationalMEAwarenessDay … 2014 - 24hrs in the life of a #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2014/05/international-me-awareness-day-12th-may.html

* tweet 28:

"This is the face" of #ME (2014) - a #poem by Sophie Turner.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2014/05/this-is-face-of-me.html

* tweet 29:

#BedsideTable (2013) - an art-project of a/cs from various #disabled folk, incl. #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2013/08/bedside-table.html

* tweet 30:

all back (2013) - a #poem lamenting the loss of one #pwME’s pre-#ME life.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2013/05/all-back.html

* tweet 31:

No Sex Please, We're... #Disabled! * (2013) - a look at the #inaccessibility of #sex for folk, incl. #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2013/04/no-sex-please-were-disabled.html

* tweet 32:

Battlers in the #MECFS Wars! (2012) - one view of the internecine squabbling btw. different factions of #pwME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2012/12/battlers-in-mecfs-wars.html

* tweet 33:

Judgmentalism of Invalids (2012) - 1st half describes #onset of a #pwME’s #ME.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2012/07/judgmentalism-of-invalids.html

* tweet 34:

#Diarrhœa (2012) - a #poem on a common issue for many #pwME. #Diarrhoea #Diarrhea

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2012/06/diarrha.html

* tweet 35:

#Pain: a #Taxonomy (2012) - one #pwME’s pain-classification.

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(11-17th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

https://crippledqueeranglo-europeanranter.blogspot.com/2012/05/pain-taxonomy.html

The hashtags:

* hashtags 1

#MEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#MEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021(10-16th May)/Day2021

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth/Week/Day

#InternationalMEAwarenessMonth2021/Week2021/Day2021

* hashtags 2

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ME #MEcfs

#ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CFS #CFSme

#SEID

#G93point3 #G93

___________________________________________________________

Memoir & Poem on an Affinity

 

The following is a frank commentary on one of my affinities from a few years back. It discusses intimate issues, so, if such will or may offend, read no further! Probably #NSFW.

*

It’s not the easiest meeting folk from one’s bed. I met F. on Grindr. Turned out he lived fairly close, in the next borough of Greater Manchester.

I only knew him for two months: the first five weeks we messaged one another; we dated for four weeks. I got used to multiple daily contact with someone again. Even my hairdresser said I was perkier than usual. I did feel an inner lift in my spirit and outlook.

I’m trying not to over-sentimentalise our affinity: I had my doubts.

Every time we met, he would whinge and whine about his housemates and even his best friend. Was he doing the same to others, only I was the target of his tongue? Does it matter now? It is difficult for me to be around so much negativity. It stresses me. I end up feeling sorry for both the speaker and the folk spoken about.

In the end, looking back, I found out next to nothing about him.

He does not like any of the diminutives of his given name, preferring to be called F.

I have no idea what if any hobbies or pastimes he has. Yes, he is a church-warden and a regular church-goer. He was Roman Catholic but converted to Anglicanism. Other than that, he does not read much. He listens to the ‘news’ from his home-country each morning via his smartphone. And he watches lots of television. He seems to have many friends: at least he went to several parties during our affinity, was invited to another which he was meant to have taken me to the weekend following our break-up. At these parties he ended up smoking - even though he sported patches and was supposed to be giving up. He drank quite a lot. Now, it is difficult to recall occasions when either he or both of us had not been drinking.

He works part-time in nursing ancillary positions two to three days per week; but surely that cannot pay sufficient? He was studying to be a support-worker for children on the autism spectrum. He does seem to have a caring nature, despite the bitching about others.

He told me he went to San Francisco when he was still young. He has also resided in Munich and learned to speak German (so I called him Schatz - treasure - which he accepted). He had lived in Manchester for some eight years or so.

He was the victim of a vicious gay-bashing abroad. The felon is serving an extremely long sentence (twenty-eight years, I think) for a whole series of attacks on men and even one woman. Poor F. now walks with a distinct limp and finds it difficult to use his left arm, and even the left hand shakes in sporadic, violent spasms.

He did not like my music tastes, other than the classical. On the other hand, he did not open up about what his actual tastes were. He did appear to enjoy attending the Saint Nicholas Concert with me in Heaton Norris. I certainly enjoyed our holding hands throughout the performances.

[Image description: the rose that bloomed the month we dated.]

We seemed to be compatible in bed. Well, at least once he had got me there. The first time he came over to mine for the evening, we decided upon watching a film together. We snuggled up to each other on the sofa. All the while the film was playing, I was feeling really turned on. But F.’s gaze did not move from the screen for more than the sporadic few seconds he took to check on me. Part-way through our viewing, he grabbed my hand and flung it between the open folds of his shirt. He has a fabulous chest, firm and hirsute. I twirled my fingers through the long chest-hairs and made swirling motions over his hot skin, all too aware of the muscles and chest-bones underneath my finger-tips. I turned and nuzzled into his arm-pit and my left-hand playing with his right-breast. The movie played on. We went to bed, both tired sleepy-heads. We spooned together and dropped off to sleep. In the darkness, a few hours later, he woke me, and we began to play…

I find it difficult to relax and turn off my internal voice the first time I am with someone new. All the doubting voices in my head militate against relaxing and going with the flow. F. was different: we obviously both turned each other on sexually, but alas only sexually. Generally, the first time I have sex with someone, I don’t cum. F. is the same. However, our first time there was cum spewing from both of us. I am sad that sex was the only level at which we really connected. Until nor since F., no-one had ever masturbated me as well as myself. He was actually better! I never anticipated that someone else even could do a better job. It was a huge surprise. I also can cum multiple times during a play-session, so I liked one to be from his hand.

I miss one or two things about him; but we obviously were not compatible for anything long-term. I wish he would have remained a friend or better yet a ‘friend with benefits’ nonetheless.

He didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me in person, when he dumped me. He texted. Made me feel a tad sad. Afterwards I realised he’d cleared out all his toiletries from my bathroom. He must have known. Still slept with me though. Heigh-ho!

What is upsetting is that he told me he has stayed in contact with all his exes bar one and now me. I don’t know what - if anything - I did wrong. Maybe nothing. He’s bipolar so it could just be he has entered his depressive period. He had compared me to a deceased ex-boyfriend and how much I reminded him of his late friend. Perhaps the similarities became too much for F. Or perhaps it is the way he deals with his emotions.

*

My knight let me down

His metal dulled

He could no longer stay

Lance dropped

Shield tossed aside

He walked away

A trail of armour

Traces the route

Where love died

*