Absence

[Image description: writer sitting in a Viennese garden-restaurant]

Readers, I am so sorry for my long absence. This year has been very difficult for me health-wise. I was even too ill to take my usual extended winter-break in Andalusia.

I have just returned from a week-long sojourn in Vienna, my most favourite city on the planet. The day-time temperature exceeded thirty degrees Celsius (eighty-six Fahrenheit) every day and did not drop below twenty-six (seventy-nine Fahrenheit) during the sultry nights. Whilst the heat was not conducive to slumber, it was a boon to my arthritic bones. Mostly I only suffered pain in various parts of my spine. The rest of my regular pains simply dissipated. Whilst I was forced to use my wheelchair on some days, I was able to do extended walking on others - don’t tell my specialist as I am not supposed to exceed one hundred metres (one hundred and ten yards) per day!

Now I am back in Manchester, where it has rained every day for the past three weeks or so. The dampness immediately percolated into my bones. As I type I am on my maximum dosages of pain-killers. The pain is excruciating. My muscles are permanently spasming and my limbs will not cease shaking. I am typing so as to attempt to take my mind off matters.

Whilst in the Austrian capital, I visited several good eateries, the Kunsthistorisches Museum and also Belvedere, a thermal-spa and of course the high-light, the EUROPRIDE parade. All of these I hope to blog about, if I can hold onto my clear-headedness.

Sexual Naïvity At Fifteen

[Image description: a seated, strapping man in work-attire, named as Adam Fussell;

no photo credit nor © stated;

found at http://larsfredriksvedberg.tumblr.com/post/141769279326/adamfussell]

I have no idea who this handsome chap is, despite him being named as Adam Fussell. However, the image has made me recall a close-encounter in an Austrian country village's festival Bierhalle (beerhall).

It was 1980, I was fifteen - but looked older, seventeen or eighteen, due to facial features - and I was on my first-ever excursion outside of England, on a school-trip to Vienna and then Göstling-an-der-Ybbs for a few days in each. At said point I had fair communication in German, but still not fließend (fluent). I was bookish & arty & creative & dramatic and hated sports. At the all-boys school I attended, some labelled me a poof or gay; but I had no real idea what they meant. I liked boys as much as I liked girls, but in a completely asexual sense. Only the previous year, whilst queuing for class in the technical block, had fellow classmates P.J. and A.M. sufficiently described the mechanics of masturbation for me to work out what to do myself. So, the reader hopefully has a picture of a sexually naïf chap who appeared older than his actual age.

The tradition in a Bierhalle is for newcomers to fill up the spaces at already taken tables before taking an empty table. My fellow school-mates & I occupied most of two tables, but there was an empty place beside me. I had already attained my maximum adult height of 172 cm. (In the 1990s onwards, after years of yoga, I was and am now 174 cm due to better posture.) So when I say this huge fellow came over and sat beside me, one can gather he had something of the giant in him. He even towered over Jewy, the biggest lad in our group. He was clad in traditional Lederhosen, work-boots and a white cotton shirt opened at the neck. Hatless, one could see his blond straight hair was already thinning, poor chap. But he had friendly, blue, coruscating orbs. Everything about him appeared on the very large side, from feet to hands to head. His skin was fair but had the healthy complexion of one who labours outdoors. His nose, his nape and at least the visible "v" of his upper chest were all tanned where his hat had not offered shade.

I practised my German small-talk; but I cannot now recall his name let alone what we chatted about. We all dined on Wurst & Semmeln (sausage & bread-rolls) or fresh chicken, I drank Wein (wine) along with some other companions whilst others quaffed the offered Bier (beer). The local lad supped from his Bierkrug or Maß (tankard), at a much faster pace than any of us. His complexion became more and more roseate and eventually inclining to crimson.

Obviously from time to time one takes a visit to do one's ablutions and the Austrian chap decided to pursue me. Only I had no idea at the time that he was doing so. His flashing of his member was in hindsight an obvious come-on; but innocent of sexual mores I mistook it, as he had seen mine whilst I was urinating, as a quid pro quo - I'll show you mine because I've seen yours - and excused it as drunken lack of co-ordination and decorum.

Still later, as some of my peers liked a smoke, we went outside - away from the prying eyes of our teachers - for some fresh air. As my fellows were returning to their beverages, the local youth appeared beside me and all good-naturedly engaged me in chit-chat. He was attempting to get me to go off with him - thank the Maker I did not understand the ramifications of this! However, he had become quite physical and had me in a locked embrace (hug hold), in which I felt decidedly uncomfortable. At the time, I hated being touched by anyone - so the reader can imagine how appalled I was to be hugged by a stranger!

Despite my protestations, he refused to release me. To my enduring gratitude at least three of my classmates including S.D. and G.J. (and I think A.Y.?) came to my rescue. They certainly untangled me from his limbs and ensured I was protected henceforth. I think, I know, that was one of the very few times in my life I ever felt truly protected. (I had an awful home life, so there was certainly no protection there.) To this day, I still view Jewy as a bit of a hero. 

[NB. Names have been disguised to avoid causing any embarrassment.]

* 

 

[The interior of a Bierhalle in Munich]

Café Jelinek, Vienna: a Review

On our penultimate day of our trip to Vienna, we started and ended our "shopping" day with coffee. We opted for the gemütlich* delights of Café Jelinek, on Otto-Bauer-Gasse, a short stroll from our lodgings. It is a traditional and typical example of a Viennese Café, Wiener Kaffeehaus. As far as I know no-one of world renown is or was a regular there; but whilst there we were sitting next to an M.I.T. professor and a couple of academics.

One enters a slightly shabby-chic establishment (as the two photographs above probably demonstrate) that is confident in its decaying décor and plush velvet.  The attitude is: take it or leave it, nonetheless we shall treat you just the same as anyone else - pleasantly, professionally and without sycophancy.

At the end of the bar cum counter is a glass-covered zone set aside for the Kuchen, the cakes and pastries. My companion opted for Linzer Torte and I for a slice of the Apfel und Mandeln Torte, apple and almond cake; respectively the left and right confections in the image below. Thankfully they did not come garnished with Schlagobers (Austrian German; Schlagsahne in German German), or whipped cream. The portions are generous, perhaps overly so, as we were rapidly filled having consumed a hearty breakfast earlier in the day.

And what about the coffee (der Kaffee), the most essential part of any visit, you may ask. Well it was so delicious during my first visit I took two cups and then we returned later in the afternoon for a top-up. All coffees are served with a small glass of cool water. Ever so civilised!

Finally, below, pictures of the writer (on the left) and my companion (on the right) demonstrating how much we enjoyed ourselves - the big smiles are a dead give-away… %)))

* Gemütlich does not translate directly into English. My computer's dictionary offers the bland "pleasant and cheerful", which certainly does not do the term justice. For a more in-depth explanation, see Wikipedia's article on Gemütlichkeit.

Lachen

[Image description: the writer and a Viennese lady laughing together]

*

[Für Georg, mein österreichischer Freund]

“Und Du,
wie ich an Dir immer erinnere,
lächelst und lachst.”


                *

Merkwürdig, wie das Lachen
         Dein Lachen
         durch meinen Geist hält
glückliches Läuten
Ich höre Dich eins lachen
         und merkend lachen
         glucksend
         und schallend loslachen
         als ob im Zimmer
         recht in diesem Augenblick
aber die Erinnerungen
         wenn nicht ausgebleichten
         Jahre alt sind
die Herzlichkeit
die Lebensfreude
die Munterkeit
         beleben mich
         machen mich munter
         auch jetzt noch
         wie Dein Lachen
         wie Du
         hast dann
solche Fähigkeit
         für Fröhlichkeit
im Web ein Business Foto
         zeigt Dich lächelnd
         mit Bravour
per E-Mail ein privates Foto
         zeigt Dich lachend
         mit Begeisterung
natürlich
         nie gickelnd
         oder kichernd
nur Lachkrämpfe
         von übersprudelndes
         überschwengliches
         Lachen
angenehmes Reminszenz
einhüllender Sinn
wärmende Glut
Ich lächle,
         seufze, Hei-ho!
         dann wieder schmunzele
         bei mein österreichischen Freund
         und Dein ungezwungenes Lachen



*

The English version of this poem is called "laughter".

"Zum Wohl", Gluten- & Lactose-Free Restaurant, Vienna: a Review

The landlady of the lovely guest-house where we are staying in Vienna, suggested we might like to try Zum Wohl (literally meaning "To Your Health"; said as a toast or after sneezing) just a few hundred metres from our temporary residence. The offerings are stated to be one-hundred-percent lactose-free, 100% gluten-free. Even their own-brand beer (see the advertising-hoarding image below).

Zum Wohl is entered via a stolid but modern entrance (image below), tastefully built into the hundred-plus-year-old edifice. However, one must negotiate several large steps. Wheelchair-users without an assistant would not be able to enter, as the door itself is too heavy and pulls outwards. There was no button or bell to call for assistance from staff as far as I could tell.

The interior is not as bright as the photograph below might suggest. It is well lit, but also soft on the eye, which for this photophobe was just right. We were permitted to choose where we wished to sit. As in many venues in Vienna, seating of different heights and differing styles was available.

My companion, having eaten heartily earlier in the day, only wished to dine on a salad. He opted for Käferbohnen (called Feuerbohnen in Germany) und Erdäpfel (Kartoffel in German German) Salat, runner bean & potato salad with Speck. In this instance the Speck was bacon, but it can also be a type of air-dried prosciutto. The dish, as can be seen in the snap below, was beautifully presented, so appealed to the eye. My chum devoured it, despite not being hungry - delicious he said! Costing €4,90 this was excellent value for money.

Dining for me, tends to be somewhat more problematic, as I have a severe food allergy to garlic (Knof(e)l in Austrian German; Knoblauch in German German). I always make any eatery aware of this before I order. At first the waiter advised me that any dish could be prepared without garlic; but after checking with the kitchen he apprised me that I could not have anything with vegetables as they had been pre-prepared and all contained garlic. This left me with a single option for my mains and a choice of salads. I was glad I opted for the large salad, which contained both lettuce and mixed salad leaves, as well as cucumber, radish, cherry tomatoes (Paradeiser, Aust.; Tomaten, Ger.) and red & green peppers (capsicums). It was lightly dressed, tasty, crunchy, sweet - nigh on perfect. At €5,80 this represented good value for money.

Accompanying the salads were the lightest, tastiest and most delightful gluten-free breads I and my dining-companion have ever experienced. Top marks for these (below).

My sole choice for main was trout: served tepid, but a mouthwatering delight on the palate. This was accompanied by parsley potatoes, which were stodgy and reminiscent of school-dinners, and an assortment of veggies. The broccoli appeared to have come straight from the freezer and was most under-whelming. As can be seen from my visual record, there was no accompanying sauce. At €17.50 this was poor value for money. Disappointing.

Desserts. My chum was tempted by the pancake (Palatschinke, Aust.; Pfannkuche, Ger.). Again he was most impressed. At a mere €2,50 my friend was more than happy with his choice.

I opted for panna cotta with a ragoût of berry fruits (strawberry, raspberry, blackberry and redcurrant) and a rhubarb compôte. Both the ragoût and the compôte were just spot-on; but the panna cotta itself had the appearance and texture of plastic. A piece fell off my fork and bounced without breaking up which rather iterated its unusual constitution. At €6,50 this dish represented fair value for money, but I should not recommend it.

With wine for myself, beer for my friend, bottled Vöslauer water and two digestifs, the total bill came to a very reasonable €68 (about £50) for the two of us.

I would certainly go to Zum Wohl again for drinks and perhaps a salad for lunch; but I would not dine again. Having said that: this was the best free-from cuisine I have ever experienced.

laughter

[For Georg, my Austrian friend]

“Und Du,
wie ich an Dir immer erinnere,
lächelst und lachst.”*

           *

Strange how laughter

your laugh

echoes through my mind

happy pealing

I hear you chuckling

and cackling

chortling

and guffawing

as if in the room

right this instant

but the memories

if unfaded

are years old

the heartiness

the joie de vivre

the vivacity

invigorates me

revivifies me

even now

as your laughter

as you

did then

such capacity

for joyfulness

on the web a business photo

shows you smiling

with brio

an emailed private photo

shows you laughing

with gusto

naturally

never giggling

or sniggering

only paroxysms

of ebullient

exuberant

laughter

pleasant reminiscence

enveloping sense

warming glow

I smile,

sigh, Heigh-ho!

then chuckle again

at my Austrian friend

and his dégagé laughter





* "And you, as I always recall you, smile and laugh."

Zum Nikolausfest!

Yesterday afternoon I did something different and am so glad I did. My German mistress from my secondary-school days invited me to a choral concert to celebrate Saint Nicholas (Sankt Nikolaus) Day.

"Saint Nicholas' Day, observed on December 6 (in Western Christian countries) and 19 December (in Eastern Christian countries), is the feast day of Saint Nicholas. It is celebrated as a Christian festival with particular regard to his reputation as a bringer of gifts, as well as through the attendance of mass or worship services" [© Wikipedia]

Gina is a member of an adult choir called Bravura and they, along with the experienced senior group named Silk, supported the main body, Cantus Chamber Choir. The concert was staged in association with the Anglo-Austrian Society under the musical direction of Daphne Sumbler.

The venue was the wonderfully welcoming Christ with All Saints Church in Heaton Norris (a suburb of Stockport). It was built in 1886 in what I presume is the Gothic Revival architectural style. There are a couple of fine stained-glass windows which catch the eye in the section now used as the church. Apparently the edifice was remodelled in the 1990’s to split into sections including a large, multi-purpose and well-used community hall.

The programme (image above) included pieces by Austrians such as Silent Night (Gruber), Ave Verum Corpus (Mozart) and Song of Peace (Haydn) as well as Englanders such as The Snow (Elgar), Coventry Carol (traditional; first written down by Robert Croo in 1534) and Walking in the Air (Blake). Additionally we were treated to other works from inter alia Africa, Europe and North America. I was expecting to listen to some fair to good amateur singing; instead I was delighted to be entertained by an incredibly professional team of dedicated and highly qualified artists.

If one did not consider the entry fee worth the performances with which we were presented, then the festive spread - literally across table after table - was a mouth-watering bacchanalia of goodies. Pfeffernüsse & Lebkuchen (gingerbread), marble-cake, mince pies, gâteaux, Apfelstrudel, Glühwein,…… Yummy!

"[C]hildren can (usually) expect to be rewarded by Saint Nicholas anyway, as long as they can tell him that they have been good: 'brav'!"

If he's reading, Saint Nick I have definitely been brav'!

%DDD

Disabled and Gay Internet Dating &/or Amity

For the past two months I have been looking into several internet dating and/or friendship sites wondering how would I fare as a gay disabled person. I was somewhat circumspect as I pondered whether I might: be completely ignored; or, attract the kind of folk who only have a penchant for physical deformity, or, worse still, the kind of film (movie) psychos who are only out to get their kicks from murdering me! Yep, my imagination went running away with me and took me to irrational places. Nonetheless, I did proceed... cautiously!

©picturesdepot.com

[Image description: two male British police-officers walking hand in hand openly in a street; the photo appears to have been manipulated.]

Firstly I tried a nationally advertised dating site for men & women, gay & straight. I was quite clear in my profile description that I was disabled and gay. Rather surprisingly I was inundated with requests from heterosexual womenfolk. To me this seemed a tad sad: that these women are so desperate and/or lonely, that they will try to date a gay man, let alone one who is disabled. I do wonder whether other gay men find this or whether it may have been some atavistic mothering-instinct activating due to my being disabled.

Contrariwise, the men my age seemed terribly reticent about communicating: they would just return over and over again to view my profile even if I made first contact with them. The only guy I actually fancied turned out to be a serving police-officer who only wanted unconditional sex. And my attempts at making any friends proved fruitless. I moved on to another site after three weeks.

This time I plumbed for a men-only site for gay/bisexual/bi-curious guys, one advertised in magazines etc. It really was a bit of an eye-opener as every married, non-out bisexual in the NW seemed to pounce on me wanting sex (even though I had not selected that as one of my options), many with rather daring photographs of themselves that I am not at all sure they would have liked their mothers to have seen! Strange how every last one has been after discretion. Not sure a close-up of their member classes as discreet? Just today I had another one pop up - ay! I assume they think because I am disabled, I will not be able to cause any trouble, or, that I am so desperate I’ll take anything coming my way. Who knows?

However, I have made a couple of pen-pals in Spain, one of whom I am now on friendship (as opposed to acquaintanceship) terms. With the latter I am able to practise my Spanish in real-life conversations and I have broadened and developed my vocabulary.

Whilst Spanish chaps have been most amiable, the residents of another European country have been rather more taciturn. The Austrians are known for fiercely guarding their privacy: but one needs to open up a little in order to befriend others. I speak & write Austrian-German but that has not helped. I am left wondering whether the disability-thing is too unæsthetic for them?

Oddly, the most discomfiting experience on said site has been coming across blokes one knows. Perhaps it is just me, but I find this actually socially embarrassing. Outside of the virtual world one would not ignore them if one saw them; but in cyberspace there appear to be no secrets, and I am not certain I want to know the sexual fantasies, inside leg measurements and proclivities of Tom, Dick and Harry.

[Image description: a smiley face icon.]

Finally, about a fortnight ago, I signed up to a site specifically aimed at developing links to possible friends and/or dates. It’s not the easiest system to navigate; not quite intuitive. Still, I gradually worked it out. Not desperately sure of the etiquette either, as different sites seem to have their own norms of behaviour. I have sent out one or two smiley faces; but thus far no response. However, I’m not yet disheartened, as perhaps, like myself, the members do not go on every day. 

I have been contacted again by both straight men & women even though I have again made it very clear I am homosexual (no option for declaring bisexuality). I have politely pointed out this fact and that no umbrage taken if they do not wish to pursue acquaintanceship. Some guy in Africa decided I was not the type of platonic friend he wanted! Another guy admitted his own developing sexuality, and we’ve continued to chat via the ‘net. Well, after all, it’s all about finding others with whom we feel comfortable, I suppose. 

Of the three sites, I feel most at ease in the third as nearly all the folk are disabled physically and/or mentally, so do not have to explain all that. Unfortunately, the number of gay disabled men on the site is very small and then when one narrows down to those of a similar age, there are even less.

I suppose there is probably a need for a gay/bisexual/bi-curious disabled folk’s contact site. If there is one out there, please let me know!