I was bullied with the term queer as a teenager. With Queer Theory in the 1990s, I wholeheartedly reclaimed the term for myself and acknowledged my queerness. I currently label myself as a queer demisexual.
I am severely disabled, essentially what used to be called crippled. I have reclaimed this term as well as queer and use both in my own blog's title. Friends can call me gay, queer, cripple/d and it is meant humorously and with zero spite. I will insult them back in kind, and we all laugh.
Being shouted at by a stranger or strangers in the street is a completely different matter. These words all become slurs loaded with spite & malice.
Context is everything.
Nevertheless I would not use the R-word [r*t*rd], ever.
This leads me to suggest that it is better to talk about an individual's behaviour rather than labelling the person. The act of two straight men kissing (as was used in a German awareness campaign §) might be described as a gay or queer act, but it does not make the men gay or queer, they are still straight. Would the men be insulted to be called gay or queer. In the example cited they would not, as they were strong allies of the LGBTQIA+ communities. Would the man-in-the-street? It totally depends on their own beliefs: some would take offence, others would not care less. As we cannot know a stranger's beliefs, we ought to refrain from using terms that could be construed as an insult.
Essentially it comes down to treating others as we wish to be treated: with kindness & respect. Try to empathise with the other person. Feel and express your own fearless humanity.
The campaign you are looking for is "#Mundpropaganda – Gentlemen Against Homophobia", launched in December 2013 by GQ Germany. The anti-intolerance initiative featured 13 prominent heterosexual male celebrities—including actors and athletes—photographed sharing tender kisses on the lips to promote solidarity and a free, open society. [1, 2]
Key Campaign Details
Meaning of the Name:"Mundpropaganda" is a German pun combining the terms for "word of mouth" and "kissing propaganda". [1]
The Goal: The campaign was created to fight homophobia and show solidarity for LGBTQ+ rights, partly in response to anti-gay legislation that was circulating in Russia at the time. [1, 2]
The Participants: The heterosexual figures who locked lips included actors August Diehl and Kostja Ullmann, Olympic beach volleyball champions Julius Brink and Jonas Reckermann, and rock stars like Johannes Strate (from the band Revolverheld). [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Impact: The photos were featured heavily across Germany on public transport, large-scale billboards, and inside the January 2014 print issue. [1, 2]
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On a personal note, I apologise for the lack of updates. I am severely disabled & chronically ill. 2026 thus far has been my worst year from a health-perspective since I first became disabled and ill back in the late 1990s.
I am working on several posts behind the scenes, but it takes me a very long time to complete a single blog-post.
Nevertheless, I thank first-time and returning readers for taking an interest in my thoughts.
May is #InternationalMEAwarenessMonth &/or #MEAwarenessMonth.
The 12th May is #InternationalMEAwarenessDay &/or #MEAwarenessDay to co-incide with Florence Nightingale’s birthday, as she is suspected of being a person with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (pwME) or its closely-related sister disease Fibromyalgia (thus pwFM). Like about half of pwME I am diagnosed with both conditions. I usually try to compose a new blog-post to mark the occasion, but having severe M.E. means I do not always achieve my objective.
Image description: pale-blue triangle on a black background; above the words “MYALGIC ENCEPHALOMYELITIS”; below the phrase, “SILENCE = LIVING DEATH”.
In case anyone is pondering where they may have seen something similar, I take you back to 1987 and the “Silence = Death Project” (link to Wikipedia article here). In that instance a pink triangle was utilised.
I quote from the cited link, as I do not have the energy nor cognitive abilities to reword it:
“A pink triangle has been a symbol for the LGBT community, initially intended as a badge of shame, but later reclaimed as a positive symbol of self-identity and love for queerness. In Nazi Germany in the 1930s and 1940s, it began as one of the Nazi concentration camp badges, distinguishing those imprisoned because they had been identified by authorities as gay [and bisexual men per thepinknews.com] men. In the 1970s, it was revived as a symbol of protest against homophobia and transphobia, and has since been adopted by the larger LGBT community as a popular symbol of LGBT pride and the LGBT movements and queer liberation movements.”
It is estimated that 25% of pwME are either housebound or bedridden, but all sufferers are imprisoned in a severely failing body, for which there is no cure, no treatment, no (current) hope.
The reader may be wondering why I am labouring comparisons with queer men. Well, obviously I myself am a queer man as well as a pwME, so I personally am interested in what can be learned from my brethren. And there is something to learn; something I have tweeted about over several years, but have finally decided to blog about. I point out here that none of the charities to whom I have tweeted or included in a tweet have ever responded to me, on any issue.
I do not know how many folk will recall the rabid era of HIV & AIDS hysteria in the 1980s. Many pwME will have been born long after its passing. However, one thing still strikes me from that period - how the gay community took pro-active action to support their brethren in need, those suffering not only from an incurable illness, but actively hated and shunned by society at large, health services, local communities and most shockingly by their so-called friends & families. Sounds familiar to many of those with M.E. or Fibromyalgia.
I cannot find much on the “buddy system” that the LGBT communities creäted back in the early/mid-1980s. (Here is a link to the basic working of any buddy system, via Wikipedia.)
However, a seminal film was made in 1985 simply entitled “Buddies” (dir. Arthur J. Bressan Jnr.). (Link on Wikipedia; link on imdb.)
I quote from Red-125’s comment in the review section of the latter:
“The buddy concept was new to me. Humanitarian groups would assign people to visit people dying from HIV/AIDS if they had no other support system. This must have been common, because many gay men had partners who were dying or had died, and people were afraid to go near people with HIV/AIDS because no one knew how it was transmitted.”
As far as I can recall, I have not seen this film. However, I did see a film made the following year, 1986, entitled “Parting Glances” (dir. Bill Sherwood) in which Steve Buscemi plays Nick, the guy dying from AIDS. (Link on imdb; link on wikipedia.)
The above link is to a short snippet from the film where the buddy, Mike, is talking to Nick. We can see the remains of a health-drink Mike concocted a few scenes earlier. We are apprised of the meal that Mike has prepared. And we hear of and see Mike entertaining Nick. What we do not see in this scene is Mike advocating on Nick’s behalf.
So, in case it has not yet become apparent to the reader - my fault no doubt - I am suggesting that pwME need a buddy system along the lines that queer communities established at the height of the AIDS furore: whether for social visits and general support for those with mild ME (that is a loss of 25% of previous function) to preparing, serving & sometimes feeding and strong advocacy support for those with severe ME.
ALL of the big M.E. charities have seriously let down pwME: as far as I can tell (having searched their websites as best I could and checked via search-engine too), not one has instigated a buddy system. However, ideally, they ought to all work together to develop a national one-stop system, where those in need and those who wish to volunteer can be brought together. Of course, there are financial implications: set-up & maintenance of a dedicated website; payment (if a volunteer cannot be found) to oversee the running of the buddy system; training costs - although remote training via video could reduce costs considerably; police-checks to ensure the suitability of volunteers; etc.
Having one centralised buddy system could also be a source of identifying specific issues effecting pwME and how widespread such issues may be. As an example, if volunteers regularly update the site with issues for which they have to advocate, such a buddy system might give us a better picture of how the NHS, local social-services, G.P.s, Pharmacies, supermarkets, etc. deal with pwME. This in turn would feed back to the charities and apprise them of real need.
Another advantage of a one-point contact for support-services for pwME is that it would more likely be used by G.P.s, hospitals and social-services, especially if publicised to them, to direct sufferers/patients/clients to sources of assistance. However, at least in respect to medics, there is nevertheless a large amount of scepticism amongst them towards the UK M.E. charities that needs to be addressed. Perhaps seeing the charities work together to establish a buddy system might alter or improve medical opinion.
This scepticism is shared by many pwME due to the nature and structure of the charities. They are not DPOs, that is Disabled Peoples Organisations, bodies whose constitution requires that both their membership and their board must consist of a majority of disabled folk.
I have been diagnosed with ME/CFS since 1998 and previously with post-viral fatigue syndrome (PVFS). How many pwME might still be alive if they had but had a buddy, an advocate, a help-meet, a support? To my knowledge the leading UK charities have taken no action to creäte a much needed & long-overdue buddy system. Yes they have telephone and email routes via which one might be able to access limited help & support. But if there is a buddy system, it is very much hidden.
How much longer will these charities, ostensibly speaking on behalf of pwME, need before they take pro-active & pragmatic action? The queer communities set up buddy systems in a matter of months. What is holding back the M.E. Charities?
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The big three charities and a quotation from each one follow.
We're working to ensure adults, children, young people and families living with the illness are supported during this unprecedented time, and beyond. Get connected to Action for M.E. services, support and resources by phone, email and online, including peer-support and services local to you.”
“The ME Association is here to support people through all stages of their illness because we desperately want to see everyone get the help they need and, through research, help to develop an effective treatment and one day even a cure.”
“We exist to present one voice to anyone keen to know more about Myalgic Encephalomyelitis known as ME, sometimes referred to as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or CFS, representing a number of UK charities and organisations in an alliance that together unites us in a common cause to ease the suffering of patients, and in time, find a cure.”
A decade ago to the day, I posted on my social-media various items relating to the Holocaust, including the following:
"The [ConDems] began a huge propaganda campaign against mentally and physically disabled [Brits]. They did not fit into the [Neo-Liberal] stereotype of the pure [hard-working family], that is physically fit with an obedient mind to serve the [economy]."
“Then after a large propaganda campaign that tapped into the populations anger about the country['s] economic state, the murder of millions began, long standing prejudice's like.......
"they think the world owes them something"
"They are a drain on the country's limited resources"
"they do not work so they are worthless"
"It would be kinder not to mention cheaper to kill them, preferably at birth"
......Are stomach turning yet they are statements I hear from people and politicians every day. Maybe not put quite as frankly or bluntly as that but the underlining argument and sentiment is the same." Rabbi Debbie Young-Sommers”
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Before the Jews, German NAZIs practised on individuals with disabilities. The gas that was used in the concentration-camps was developed for use on disabled folk. Some of the means of mass extermination were first developed for use on groups of disabled people. (Check Aktion T4 for more details.)
1:4 of the UK population has a disability. 10,000s of Brits were killed by UKgov due to austerity (Check the research yourself, I have posted links often enough!). Some 300,000 killed and 1,500,000 disabled by #Covid19 - and still rising - due to mostly failings by UKgov. The majority of all these deaths were disabled folk per ONS.
Aktion T4 killed up to 300,000 disabled individuals during the NAZI era. The Conservative legacy since 2010 is heading to equal that death-count. History repeats itself - never in quite the same way - but only if we collectively permit it to do so.
Whilst this blog-post can be read without reading my previous post, “Crime, Death or Asylum”, the reader may wish to read it for background. This previous posting details some of my health conditions and the ramifications of the change in care-provider including loss of weight, severe dehydration, some quite severe reäctions to change in medication and care, and the over-all deterioration in my health since the council-owned care-agency took over in April 2021 and changed my care-regimen in August 2021.
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For some nine weeks I have been resident in my home’s guest-room. It is by far the snuggest room in the house, for some reason we have never quite figured out.
Normally I work my way through at least one whole box of mansize-tissues per week; but since the change of room I have only used up two boxes. I am allergic to dust - something which is rather difficult to avoid. My usual bedroom must have been extremely dusty and hence my constant sneezing and running-nose!
Normally we clear me out of the bedroom once per year so that it can be deep-cleaned. Alas, last year I was just not well enough to leave my room for any useful length of time. Indeed, this year, simply moving to the guest-room caused me to be almost totally bedridden for some three weeks, excepting using the lavatory for defecating and the occasional urination.
When I was finally able to rise from my bed to attend to practical chores in my usual bedroom, I discovered as I picked up objects, books, etc. just how dusty the room had become. Dust-balls rolled across the hard floor-surface like tumbleweed! The tops of books had the finest dust-coatings I have probably ever seen. However, when one reälises that there were five tubs-worth of books in my room, that adds up to a heck of a lot of contaminants!
My housemate has nearly completed the deep-cleansing. Most of the room plus its en suite have been vacuum-cleaned, mopped and hard-surfaces disinfected. There are just a couple of chores remaining. Then I may start moving some of my things back into my personal bed-cell.
[Image description: the writer in his usual bedroom]
Carer Duties
I have to say that the standard of care since my move, some nine weeks ago, has probably deteriorated. Remember: whilst mostly my long-term memory is fine, my active-memory is shockingly poor (and this is typical of someone with my chronic-illnesses); I have to be prompted with precise, closed-questions (to which a yes/no response can be given).
Personal Hygiene:
Number of times carers prompted me to shower - ZERO
Number of times carers prompted me to brush my teeth - ZERO
Number of times carers prompted me to mouthwash - ZERO
Number of times carers prompted a change of bedding - ONCE (M)
Number of times carers prompted to use a face-wipe - ONLY J1
Number of times carers prompted a change of clothing - ONLY J1, J3 & M
Food & Drink:
Number of times carers enquired as to what, if anything, I had eaten - ZERO
Number of times carers enquired as to what, if anything, I had drunk - ZERO
Number of times carers checked on water-consumption (water-cup & hydration-system) - DAILY
Number of times carers failed to fill water-cup - J2, J3 & J4 usually forget
Number of times carers failed to replace snacks - J3 & J4 usually forget
Number of times carers failed to enquire whether I wanted something to eat - most of the time, all carers forget.
Medication & Support:
Number of times carers failed to provide medication - ONCE.
Number of times carers enquired whether I needed a heat-bag - ONCE (M)
Trafford Adult Social Services (Trafford ASS) have been over the years repeatedly provided with detailed lists of carer duties, as has the Trafford Council-owned care-agency (or previous care-agencies) and as has my social-worker (and previous social-workers - yes, they are constantly changed). None of these agencies has ensured these lists are actually used, despite reminders and complaints from myself.
After more than a year of being under this selfsame care-agency I only recently discovered that nothing is provided in my file as to what duties are required of carers. Carers have been relying on my housemate (not always at home and anyways gets really annoyed at being constantly asked for the same information over and over) or myself - a person with appalling active-memory.
One carer advised me that due to the care-agency usually only retaining clients for circa three weeks, they have never bothered with duty-lists. However, I have been with this council-owned provider for some fourteen months. This is indicative of a failing to ensure continuity of care and appropriate care. How many other Trafford residents are being failed or have been failed by this deliberate recklessness?
Over a ten-day period I had six visits from a new carer. Trafford ASS etc are well aware that I will not undress with newbie carers until I have developed trust. Put yourself in my position by asking yourself how comfortable or not would you be with undressing or being undressed by a total stranger? Apart from the fact this newbie (J4) had not been mentored through what is needed here, her unwillingness to read through the file to find out her duties and thus her consequent failures in care, there was her lying in the notes after her very first visit. This really does not help me trust someone.
On J4’s first visit the care-agency did not notify me that a new carer would be attending, so I could not ensure housemate was at home. On this occasion he was out. J4 arrived extremely late for a 16.00 first call of the day at 18.09. Apparently she had been training. This meant I had not been fed, watered or medicated for twenty-two hours. There was also a knock-on effect: one of my medications has to have a minimum four hours between doses. Taking this medication at 18.26 would have meant the next dose could not have been taken prior to 22.26. The carers official finish-time is 21.00. One can immediately see the issue. J4 tried to press me to take the medication earlier, but I quite correctly refused as the minimum elapsed time had not passed. J4 noted that this was an outright refusal to take medication. J1 the next day, added an addendum to confirm the facts.
Effectively this was a failure by the care-agency to medicate me. Furthermore, this has not been the first time this year. There have been at least three other occasions in 2022 when the agency has failed to give me my medications. This is a repeated failure to medicate and thus fulfil their contract. Recall this is the council-owned care-agency not some penny-pinching private-enterprise. Imagine how those with private companies are fairing!
Update on my previous blog-post
Despite sending the link to the blog-post to various bodies and organisations, including Nicola Sturgeon in Scotland, I did not receive one single response. I could have committed suïcide. I could be dead from dehydration.
As I commented on Twitter, once one becomes disabled &/or chronically ill in the UK, one become to all intents and purposes invisible and uncared for. The United Nations (they also failed to respond) has repeatedly condemned the UK’s treatment of its disabled population - some eleven million individuals. However, the ultra-right-wing ruling-party and indeed the neoliberal alleged Opposition, do absolutely nothing to ameliorate the on-going situation. Nor will they.
The following is a frank commentary on one of my affinities from a few years back. It discusses intimate issues, so, if such will or may offend, read no further! Probably #NSFW.
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It’s not the easiest meeting folk from one’s bed. I met F. on Grindr. Turned out he lived fairly close, in the next borough of Greater Manchester.
I only knew him for two months: the first five weeks we messaged one another; we dated for four weeks. I got used to multiple daily contact with someone again. Even my hairdresser said I was perkier than usual. I did feel an inner lift in my spirit and outlook.
I’m trying not to over-sentimentalise our affinity: I had my doubts.
Every time we met, he would whinge and whine about his housemates and even his best friend. Was he doing the same to others, only I was the target of his tongue? Does it matter now? It is difficult for me to be around so much negativity. It stresses me. I end up feeling sorry for both the speaker and the folk spoken about.
In the end, looking back, I found out next to nothing about him.
He does not like any of the diminutives of his given name, preferring to be called F.
I have no idea what if any hobbies or pastimes he has. Yes, he is a church-warden and a regular church-goer. He was Roman Catholic but converted to Anglicanism. Other than that, he does not read much. He listens to the ‘news’ from his home-country each morning via his smartphone. And he watches lots of television. He seems to have many friends: at least he went to several parties during our affinity, was invited to another which he was meant to have taken me to the weekend following our break-up. At these parties he ended up smoking - even though he sported patches and was supposed to be giving up. He drank quite a lot. Now, it is difficult to recall occasions when either he or both of us had not been drinking.
He works part-time in nursing ancillary positions two to three days per week; but surely that cannot pay sufficient? He was studying to be a support-worker for children on the autism spectrum. He does seem to have a caring nature, despite the bitching about others.
He told me he went to San Francisco when he was still young. He has also resided in Munich and learned to speak German (so I called him Schatz - treasure - which he accepted). He had lived in Manchester for some eight years or so.
He was the victim of a vicious gay-bashing abroad. The felon is serving an extremely long sentence (twenty-eight years, I think) for a whole series of attacks on men and even one woman. Poor F. now walks with a distinct limp and finds it difficult to use his left arm, and even the left hand shakes in sporadic, violent spasms.
He did not like my music tastes, other than the classical. On the other hand, he did not open up about what his actual tastes were. He did appear to enjoy attending the Saint Nicholas Concert with me in Heaton Norris. I certainly enjoyed our holding hands throughout the performances.
[Image description: the rose that bloomed the month we dated.]
We seemed to be compatible in bed. Well, at least once he had got me there. The first time he came over to mine for the evening, we decided upon watching a film together. We snuggled up to each other on the sofa. All the while the film was playing, I was feeling really turned on. But F.’s gaze did not move from the screen for more than the sporadic few seconds he took to check on me. Part-way through our viewing, he grabbed my hand and flung it between the open folds of his shirt. He has a fabulous chest, firm and hirsute. I twirled my fingers through the long chest-hairs and made swirling motions over his hot skin, all too aware of the muscles and chest-bones underneath my finger-tips. I turned and nuzzled into his arm-pit and my left-hand playing with his right-breast. The movie played on. We went to bed, both tired sleepy-heads. We spooned together and dropped off to sleep. In the darkness, a few hours later, he woke me, and we began to play…
I find it difficult to relax and turn off my internal voice the first time I am with someone new. All the doubting voices in my head militate against relaxing and going with the flow. F. was different: we obviously both turned each other on sexually, but alas only sexually. Generally, the first time I have sex with someone, I don’t cum. F. is the same. However, our first time there was cum spewing from both of us. I am sad that sex was the only level at which we really connected. Until nor since F., no-one had ever masturbated me as well as myself. He was actually better! I never anticipated that someone else even could do a better job. It was a huge surprise. I also can cum multiple times during a play-session, so I liked one to be from his hand.
I miss one or two things about him; but we obviously were not compatible for anything long-term. I wish he would have remained a friend or better yet a ‘friend with benefits’ nonetheless.
He didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me in person, when he dumped me. He texted. Made me feel a tad sad. Afterwards I realised he’d cleared out all his toiletries from my bathroom. He must have known. Still slept with me though. Heigh-ho!
What is upsetting is that he told me he has stayed in contact with all his exes bar one and now me. I don’t know what - if anything - I did wrong. Maybe nothing. He’s bipolar so it could just be he has entered his depressive period. He had compared me to a deceased ex-boyfriend and how much I reminded him of his late friend. Perhaps the similarities became too much for F. Or perhaps it is the way he deals with his emotions.
