Maracas 1: Photographic Homage & Vignette / Homenaje fotográfico y viñeta (bilingüe)

For thirteen (unlucky for some, but not for the writer) years I have been frequenting Maracas café-bar on the Playa Bil-Bil in Benalmádena, my winter refuge. It is my favourite bar of anywhere I have ever travelled, so much so that it is the one referenced on my GAYDAR profile. This year I am celebrating their thirteenth year in its current format. This is the first of three blog-posts and includes a photographic homage and one of the many vignettes I have written over the years. The two further postings will be a review of the food and a poem about one specific waiter. I hope the reader enjoys and might perhaps be tempted to pay a visit oneself.

Durante trece (mala suerte para algunos, pero no para el escritor) años he estado frecuentando Maracas café-bar en la Playa de Bil-Bil, en Benalmádena, mi refugio de invierno. Es mi bar favorito de cualquier lugar a que he viajado, tanto es así que es la que se hace referencia en mi perfil GAYDAR. Este año estoy celebrando su decimotercer año en su formato actual. Este es el primero de las tres entradas en mi blog e incluye un homenaje fotográfico y una de las muchas viñetas que he escrito en los últimos años. Las dos nuevas publicaciones serán una revisión de la comida y un poema sobre un camarero específico. Espero que el lector disfruta y tal vez podría tener la tentación de hacer una visita a uno mismo.

The photographs below only represent moments from 2011 to 2015, as prior to then I did not use a digital camera. They are in no particular order. Simply random happy memories. %D

Las fotografías a continuación sólo representan momentos 2011-2015, ya que antes de entonces no utilizaron una cámara digital. Ellos están en ningún orden en particular. Simplemente al azar, Recuerdos felices. %D

 

The following vignette is from January this year. I have chosen this particular one, as I believe it has a comedic element, but also does give some little insight into typical Spanish (or Andalusian?) behaviours. I hope it raises a laugh, a chortle or a smile.

La siguiente viñeta es de enero de este año. He elegido este en particular, como creo que tiene un elemento de comedia, pero también da un poco de poca penetración en comportamientos españoles típicos (¿o andaluces?). Espero que plantea una risa, una carcajada o una sonrisa.

In a quarter of an hour the elderly couple switched and swapped so many times that each of the four chairs around the table barely had time to cool before the next seat was squished on to it, fleshly folds oozing out of any aperture and cascading over their respective front lip. Chain-smoking as a descriptor would be an understatement: of course, waiting to commence their foul habit once the writer’s luncheon arrived at table. The wife has one volume: the top of her voice and screeching her bastardised Spanish - I am assuming a corrupted Andaluz dialect; but who can tell. Oh wait up, she’s lighting yet another cigarette! How can she have attained such an age, without her lungs collapsing? And her poor husband: he has to listen day in day out, every second of every day to that harridan-harpy. Poor chap! She stands and wanders whilst barking orders, questions, exclamations into her mobile-telephone, lapping the table repeatedly and punctiliously, as if her very life depended upon sourcing companions for her luncheon party. Not in the least surprising to the writer that almost all have some pre-prepared excuse to put her off. One unwitting couple accept the invitation to join the elderly pair. I say couple, but it was not until a full five minutes after the male of the pair had settled into his chair that I realised his spouse had, mouse-like, slunk into the fourth place. As the alcohol flowed and was imbibed this church-mouse transmogrified into another battle-axe to skirmish with the prima dona. The volume unbelievably augmenting in the most unfavourable manner. My salad and second glass of chilled rosé consumed, it is definitely the time for my exit from the stage.

Durante un cuarto de hora la pareja de ancianos cambió y cambió tantas veces que cada una de las cuatro sillas alrededor de la mesa apenas tuvo tiempo para enfriarse antes del próximo trasero fue aplastado a ella, carnal pliegues que rezuma de cualquier abertura y en cascada sobre su respectivo labio delantero. Cadena fumadores como descriptor sería un eufemismo poco bueno: por supuesto, a la espera de iniciar su hábito repugnante una vez el almuerzo del escritor llegó a la mesa. La mujer tiene un solo volumen: la parte superior de su voz y chillando su español  bastardeado - estoy asumiendo un dialecto Andaluz corrompido; pero ¿quién puede decir? ¡O, espera!, ella está encendiendo otro cigarrillo! ¿Cómo puede haber alcanzado una edad tal, sin que sus pulmones colapsan? Y su pobre marido: él tiene que escuchar día tras día, cada segundo de cada día para que bruja-arpía. ¡Pobre hombre! Ella se pone de pie y camina mientras ladrando órdenes, preguntas, exclamaciones en su móvil-teléfono, rompiendo la mesa en varias ocasiones y puntillosamente, como si su vida dependiera del abastecimiento  de compañeros para su fiesta de almuerzo. No, en absoluto sorprendente el escritor que casi todos tienen alguna excusa pre-dispuestos a poner su despegue. Una pareja sin saberlo aceptar la invitación para unirse a la pareja de ancianos. Digo pareja, pero no fue hasta un total de cinco minutos después de que el macho de la pareja se había instalado en la silla que me di cuenta de su esposo tenía, tipo ratón, se escabulló en el cuarto lugar. Como el alcohol fluía y se embebe esta iglesia-ratón metamorfoseado en otra tarasca para escaramuza con la prima dona. El volumen increíblemente aumentar de la manera más desfavorable. Mi ensalada y segunda copa de vino rosado frío consumido, es definitivamente el momento de mi salida de la etapa. 

*

Maracas 2 and Maracas 3 will follow in the coming next few days.

Maracas 2 y Maracas 3 lo harán en los próximos días próximos.

;)

Sexually Noisy Neighbours / Vecinos Ruidosos Sexualmente (Bilingüe)

This past week I wondered aloud on my facebook page whether one ought to applaud the roisterous coital acrobatics of one’s neighbours at the point where they have completed their activities. Would it be bad form? The neighbour certainly is impolite (I am British!), discourteous and quite thoughtless to wake up one’s neighbours in the night without good cause. And what to do if this is a regular occurrence? I decided to be proactive. So I wrote a letter (I am British!).

La semana pasada me preguntaba en voz alta en mi página de facebook si uno debe aplaudir las acrobacias coitales ruidísimas de sus vecinos en el punto en que hayan terminado sus actividades. ¿Sería de forma mala? Sin duda, el vecino es de mala educación (¡soy británico!), descortés y bastante desconsiderado a despertar a sus vecinos en la noche sin una buena causa. ¿Y qué hacer si esto es una ocurrencia regular? Decidí ser proactivo. Así que escribí una carta (¡soy británico!).

Dear Neighbour, 

Estimado Vecino,

Normally I should want to talk face-to-face with a person; but in this instance my (British) reticence and (hopefully) tact and (naturally) embarrassment preclude me from such action, due to the delicate nature (from an English perspective at least) of that which I need to express. I hope therefore you will not take umbrage at my putting my comments in writing. Of course, should you wish to discuss further the matters raised, I shall make myself available to you. 

Normalmente quisiera hablar cara a cara con una persona; pero en este caso mi reticencia (británica) y (con suerte) tacto y (naturalmente) vergüenza me excluye de la dicha acción, debido a la naturaleza delicada (desde la perspectiva de un inglés por lo menos) de lo que tengo que expresar. Espero, por tanto, no tomará sintió ofendido por mi poniendo mis observaciones por escrito. Por supuesto, si usted desea discutir más a fondo de las cuestiones planteadas, voy a ponerme a disposición para usted.

This apartment block in which we reside is obviously not constructed to modern standards. As such I am privy to much that occurs in your apartment. I presume that you also can hear what I am up to. 

Este bloque de apartamentos en el que residimos, obviamente, no se ha construido a los estándares modernos. Como tal, estoy al tanto de mucho de lo que ocurre en su apartamento. Supongo que también se puede escuchar lo que estoy haciendo.

Since I moved in in January, I have not slept through many nights due to being awoken by noises emanating from your apartment above me. I am assuming you must have some medical issue and hence the need for whatever machinery you run during the night and some siesta times. Having medical issues myself, and hence the reason for my being in Spain, I feel empathy for you and as such have made allowances for such disturbance. 

Desde que me mudé abajo de usted en enero, no he dormido bien durante muchas noches debido a ser despertado por los ruidos que emanan de su vivienda por encima de mí. Estoy asumiendo que usted debe tener algún problema médico y de ahí la necesidad de que cualquiera que sea la maquinaria se ejecuta durante la noche y algunas veces la siesta. Tengo problemas médicos a mí mismo, y por lo tanto estes son la razón de mi queda en España; así que me siento empatía por usted y como tal he hecho concesiones por dichas perturbaciones.

I can hear you: opening and closing doors, cupboards and drawers, whether in the kitchen or bedroom, for example; moving and emptying pales of water; brushing and mopping; removing footwear; walking about your apartment even barefoot/in slippers; getting in and out of bed; showering; flushing the toilet; urinating; laughing; some conversations; and having sex. Likewise I can hear your visitors’ footwear, voices, laughter, etc. 

Puedo oírle: abrir y cerrar puertas, armarios y cajones, ya sea en la cocina o el dormitorio, por ejemplo; el movimiento y el vaciado de cubos de agua; cepillar y fregar; quitar el calzado; ir de pie sobre su apartamento, incluso descalzo/en zapatillas; entrar y salir de la cama; ducharse; descargar del váter; orinar; reír; algunas conversaciones; y tener relaciones sexuales. Del mismo modo que puedo oír el calzado, las voces, las risas, etc. de sus visitantes.

This week I was rather disturbed by your extremely rowdy sexual activity; not only by your highly vociferous partner, but also by what sounded like the bed coming through the floor/ceiling above me, which fully roused me. In effect you were forcing me to bear witness to your sexual acts, which could not be avoided by my moving to the sitting-room - I tried. I might add that when compared to modish voyeurism (consenting participant/s), there was no pleasure involved on my part (non-consenting participant). It made me feel extremely uncomfortable and rather embarrassed. Imagine if I had had my nephews staying with me: how would I have explained what was going on? Or my mother-in-law, who has excellent acuity (and is due to visit for a week towards the end of April? 

Esta semana estuve bastante preocupado por su actividad sexual muy ruidosa; no sólo por su pareja muy vociferante, sino también por lo que sonaba como la cama que entra por el suelo/techo por encima de mí, lo que me despertó completamente. En efecto me estaban obligando a dar testimonio de sus actos sexuales, que no pudieron ser evitados por mi mudanza a la sala de estar - lo intenté. Debo añadir que, en comparación con el voyeurismo de moda (participante/s consintiendo/s), no había placer involucrado en mi parte (participante sin su consentimiento). Me hizo sentir muy incómodo y algo avergonzado. Imagínese si hubiera tenido mis sobrinos se alojen conmigo: ¿cómo me he explicado lo que estaba pasando? ¿O mi suegra, que tiene una excelente agudeza de oír?, (y quién se debe a visitarme durante una semana a finales de abril).

Of course I am not asking you to refrain from engaging in sex. What I am asking is that you have some respect for me (and I assume the neighbour(s) above you) and try to keep the level of sexual noises to a minimum, particularly at night-time when noises can be perceived more readily. 

Por supuesto que no estoy pidiendo que se abstenga de tener relaciones sexuales. Lo que pido, por favor, es que usted tiene un poco de respeto para mí (y supongo que el/los vecino/s por encima de usted) y tratar de mantener los niveles de ruidos sexuales al mínimo, sobre todo durante las horas de la noche en que los ruidos pueden ser percibidos con mayor facilidad.

I hope I have not offended you and that my Spanish has been sufficient. 

Espero que no le he ofendido y que mi español ha sido suficiente.

Yours sincerely,your neighbour in apartment ### 

Cordialmente,su vecino de apartmento ###

[Image description: my bedroom-window below the eternally shuttered equivalent of my neighbour

Descripción de la imagen: ventana de mi habitación por debajo del equivalente eternamente con obturador de mi vecino]

What, if anything, would you the reader have done? Feel free to write any comments below.

¿Lo que, en todo caso, el lector ha hecho? Siéntase libre de escribir cualquier comentario a continuación.

 %S

Mediterranean Sushi - Oh Yes Really!

[Image description: CAC Malága with Óleo being to the right of the statue]

On Tuesday gone I headed into Málaga to meet up with a chum. I arrived more than hour before our actual meeting-time. So, I decided to look for somewhere to have brunch. I opted for Óleo (I have not succeeded in getting the website to work; but the reader may have better luck!), attached to the Centro de Arte Contemporáneo de Málaga, or CAC Málaga for short. It describes itself as "Cocina Mediterránea Sushi Bar" - Mediterranean Cuisine Sushi Bar. This, as the name really ought to suggest, is no Japanese restaurant, rather a purveyor of fusion cuisine.

[Image description: Salmon Tataki]

From a fairly extensive menu, which arrived after about ten minutes (indicative of the slow but friendly enough service), I opted for Salmon Tataki. It arrived a full thirty minutes after I arrived at the restaurant. Given it is merely a salad and there were few diners, I cannot fathom the long delay. I was offered a dish of very unappetising olives (to the top of the photograph). Even my Spanish companion when he arrived averred that he would not touch them either.

The salmon itself was heavenly. It just melted on the tongue. And the sesame was a sprinkle which just gave hits of its flavour, rather like popping-candy. The seaweed in the salad itself was delicious. The mixed salad-leaves were in pristine condition. The cherry tomatoes on the other hand, whilst red and juicy, were somewhat bitter.

The dish, whilst not ruined by it, was rather swamped with an extremely sweet mustard dressing. The mustard flavour itself was a great companion with the other ingredients; but the sweetness was rather cloying.

I would dine at Óleo again; but I would ensure I asked them to go light with the dressings.

[Image description: the end of the meal]

Accordion Delight - Un Placer del Tocar del Acordeón

Those Benalmadenses who sat at home missed a true treat yesterday evening at the Castillo Bil-Bil. And what’s more the pleasure was gratis. Mind, it was a full-house, so they would not have gained entry anyhow! That elusive cultural guide that readers may recall I had to go hunting for, simply states “Dúo Piano Y Acordeones” with no details as to who the instrumentalists were to be. I dithered about going, thinking that piano with accordion did not sound that compelling. However, at ten past eight, I thought what the heck, one ought to try everything at least once; and so made a dash for the venue, which is just round the corner from my current residence.

At quarter past eight there were only scattered odd seats available. I spotted one at the end of a row near the back and settled down to read the programme. It transpired we were to be regaled by Juan Solorzano, a renowned accordionist, especially in France, and by Marcos Bello, a resident of the Costa del Sol and an habitué guest at top private functions as well as a performer in many of the tourist destination’s top hotels.

[Image description: Marcos Bello introducing the programme]

[Image description: Juan Solorzano with his accordion]

The programme of music was split into two parts with a ten minute interval to move the first-half’s grand-piano and set up for the accordion duets. Compared to the last pianist I went to see at the Castillo, Marcos played all six of his selections from memory; so the odd note awry is totally forgivable in my opinion. For me his most accomplished performance was Ludovico Einaudi’s I giorni which had me horripilating; though Marcos’ Tiersen piece, Comptine d’un autre été ran a close second.

Two folk left just before the end of the first half. I am sure if they hear about the second half they will now be kicking themselves. It was just fabulous. Traditional pieces from France, Argentina and of course Spain presented us with tangos (including "El tango de los tangos"), a paso doble and folk tunes. I have heard accordion previously; but I had never heard let alone seen a duet. Yes the odd note went the wrong way - winced at by my hypercritical neighbour (who decided to make a telephone call at one point during the playing!).

[Image description: the accordion play-off with fingers moving so fast they are blurred]

As soon as the last note was played of Anita there was an outpouring of cheering, clapping and nigh on every last soul rose almost as one to give the chaps a long and well-deserved standing-ovation. I was in there with my British bravos. Then the rhythmic clapping started and very vocal calls of something like “¡Orden!”, which was definitely the Spanish version of “Encore!” I had never experienced that before at any of the many concerts I have been to in Spain over the last dozen years or so.

The guys eventually came back out and did a piece of which I do not know the name, but which I recognised instantly, and I joined in the humming, etc. along with many of the audience. To leave a concert with a smile is common for me; but to actually be beaming during the concert, now that is a rarity. The music may not have been note-perfect; but the passion and love and joie de vivre shared through the music is a far more important gift to the folk who took part in the whole musical experience.

If this concert had been a CD, it would have been a definite buy-it-now. %D

¿Quién es quién? - an Illustrated Zoological Study of Gay Culture

[Image description: the original July 2013 edition on the left, the revised one on the right]

Last year I was delighted to review the Beartoncity tomes of the witty comic-artist Daniel Mainé. At the same time I also ordered a copy of another book which Daniel had illustrated, ¿Quién es quién?: Guía Illustrada Del Ambiente Para Gays Desubicados, authored by Enrique P. Sen. Unlike books published in the United Kingdom, Spanish publications do not state the font used. The one used in the book is rather small and, for someone with eyesight problems like myself, very difficult to read.  I could only read in bright daylight and little by little as it hurt to read.

[Image description: sample page showing text]

Thankfully Diabolo Ediciones commissioned a revised edition to take account of the recent changes in not just gay culture, but social mores across the spectrum. The revised edition, published in October 2014 is now hardback rather than softback and a new bolder font has been utilised. 

Such a shame then that twenty-three of my pages are blemished or marked (see the image below for a prime example. That represents some seventeen percent of the pages damaged. With a price-tag of just under eighteen Euros, one really would expect much better.

[Image description: blemished pages, including Daniel's artwork]

So to the contents. Enrique's observations are just so spot on. I was howling with laughter whilst reading the original edition at my favourite café-bar on the beach in Benalmádena. I have no doubt that many folk will recognise individuals they know who so fit the descriptions posited in Enrique's taxonomy.

There was definitely a need to add hipsters to the rogues' gallery. And my favourite of Daniel's illustrations is the 'estrellita', perhaps best translated by the term narcissist. The image of a hirsute bear floating in a plethora of approval and adoration is a marvel to behold - I love it!

Daniel's portraits of each stereotype adds to Enrique's text, more often than not contributing additional humour. Look, for example, for the study for the paranoid gay!

The revised edition is definitely an improvement on the original. With larger pages, the artworks can be seen to their full effect. If your bookshop still has the first edition in stock, unless you are a collector, skip it and insist on the second version.

%D