Confronting Child-Abuse

I wrote the poëm below back in the late nineties or early noughties. It deals with the thorny issue of child-abuse. This covers physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual and neglect issues. Please do NOT read any further if these themes might cause distress.

Of late I am once again being pestered by bad-memories that come into my consciousness unsolicited. I dearly wish I could control them or ignore them. Lamentably, I cannot. A couple of years back I requested help from my G.P. (family doctor), but they failed to follow through in making the agreed arrangements. Since then, my health has deteriorated and then of course we had the global pandemic. The counsellors are currently rather busy. I shall pursue again in the future. My doctor knows I am not going to try anything I might regret. But if you need assistance as a matter of urgency, do not feel that you cannot ask. There is HOPE and there is support and you are entitled to it.

[Image description: contact page for CHILDLINE]

If you are a child in the UK (their definition is anyone under the age of nineteen), please call CHILDLINE on 0800-1111. It is run these days by the NSPCC. They give you advice and support either directly or they can direct you to the most appropriate assistance. From someone who along with my siblings was abused by parents in the days when there was no help for kids, we lobbied hard for this service. Even the abusers need help for their issues. Everyone receives the help they need. But someone has to make the call. Please do. Or if you cannot, ask someone you trust - a friend, or a valued teacher - to make the call on your behalf.

If the reader is an adult who has been abused, please be aware that there is lots of help and support available. Try an internet-search or contact your family-doctor for more information. I am not medically nor professionally trained to offer support. This blog-post offers my own perspectives and opinions.

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they who look like me

empty photographs

I don’t remember your faces

I cannot recall

what you look like

then

only now

that you are not so potent

ageing and greying

faceless

I have to call you parents

though you don’t deserve the title

a right the state bestowed

without my assent

you ought to have been incarcerated

retribution for what you have done

separately and cumulatively

but arrest now would only harm me

still you think yourselves innocent

despite hypocritical Christianity

or

dissembling atheïstic libertarianism

you refuse to do penance

no proffered expiation

instead

it is I who am imprisoned

embondaged to the past

ever present and merciless

a personal hell I cannot escape

founded on your abuse

of one too young

too naïf

to understand

to make sense of the meaningless

actions, misdeeds to a psychë

who had done nothing wrong

too intelligent for my own good

so why was I steeped in so much guilt

how did you twist

control-freakery

that missed the point

storgē should protect

cover a multitude of sins

even had I erred in the first instance

the shadows move closer

claustrophobia re-asserts

but I see no mien

of love

just self-reflected hate

in the mirror of your lives

the man who looks like me

walks over to the squawking child

and slaps the boy

repeatedly

back in the forties

the man who looks like me

walks over to the tubby child

and slaps the girl

repeatedly

back in the fifties

when will the anger come

not aimed at myself this time

but against you

when the release

from pain

when peace

of mind

the only gain

I need to pursue

the man who looks like me

the woman who looks like me

walk over to the cowering children

and beat the siblings

black and blue

repeatedly

back in the sixties, seventies and eighties

living still in memory

they who look like me

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Demisexuality: what is a Demisexual?

The following article discusses sex and sexuality in a frank manner. If the topic might offend, please do NOT read any further!

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In the late 1970’s, when I was in my early- to mid-teens, one afternoon I was walking from school with my best chum H, when out of nowhere he suddenly enquired whether I was homosexual. I went to an all-boys school and, because I did not conform to the dominant, and chauvinistic, game-playing, violent masculinity of the era, it was assumed by most that I was gay. I answered (at the time) quite honestly that I was not. What I did not add was that at that time I was basically asexual. Avid readers of my blog will know that I was late to masturbation. For me it was a personal, sensual exploration of my body and what made it feel energised, vibrant and vivid. At no point did I consider fantasising about sex or interacting with others, male or female.

Labels

Over the years I have been asexual, bisexual (girlf & boyf at same time), heterosexual and homosexual. To be honest, the vast majority of my life, including currently, I have been asexual. In the 1970s asexuality was not taught under the sex education curriculum; mind you, nothing other than heterosexuality was. Queer Theory was a revelation back in my university days in the 1990s. Thereafter I used the term queer. I still do so. A few years back I discovered the terms ‘demisexual’ and ‘demisexuality’. They were a g_dsend: this was and is the label under which I feel most at home.

Where did the term originate?

According to an item in The Guardian newspaper in 2019:

Demisexuality was first coined in an online forum in 2006 by a member of Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Aven), a website designed in 2001 to provide a resource on all things asexual – asexuality being the description for a person who does not experience sexual attraction at all.

…It is defined as an attraction model: “primary sexual attraction is an instant attraction to people based on instantly available information such as their appearance or smell, which may or may not lead to arousal or sexual desire. Secondary sexual attraction is considered to be an attraction that develops over time based on a person’s relationship, an emotional connection with another person… Most sexuals in romantic relationships feel both primary and secondary sexual desire. The term demisexual, under this model, tends to refer to people who experience secondary sexual attraction but not primary sexual attraction.”

This article also includes another account of demisexuality, different to my own, this time a ‘heterosexual demisexual’.

Definition

So what is demisexuality? Here’s what Wikipedia says - under an article on asexuality or Grey/Gray Sexuality:

[Image description: The demisexual flag, in which the black chevron represents asexuality, gray represents gray asexuality and demisexuality, white represents sexuality, and purple represents community]

A demisexual person does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a strong emotional connection with a prospective partner. The definition of "emotional bond" varies from person to person. Demisexuals can have any romantic orientation. People in the asexual spectrum communities often switch labels throughout their lives, and fluidity in orientation and identity is a common attitude.

Demisexuality, as a component of the asexuality spectrum, is included in queer activist communities such as GLAAD and The Trevor Project, and itself has finer divisions.

Demisexuality is a common theme (or trope) in romantic novels which has been termed 'compulsory demisexuality'. Within fictitious prose, the paradigm of sex being only truly pleasurable when the partners are in love is a trait stereotypically more commonly associated with female characters. The intimacy of the connection also allows for an exclusivity to take place.

Treatment

It’s not very much is it. Indeed, demisexuals are very often missed out of LGBTIQA+ groupings, because we end up subsumed, as on Wikipedia, into the asexual category. I have attempted to purchase the demisexual-flag at a number of venues and events over the past few years, but thus far to no avail. 

Instagram & Facebook, whilst turning many queer terminologies into mini-rainbows during the month of June, so-called Pride Month, never gives demisexual nor demisexuality the multi-coloured treatment; they remain black/grey/white and blending into the background.

I am open about my label and use the term on my dating/friendship apps, but I rarely come across others so bold. Indeed, more often than not, I receive comments along the lines, “Oh, what’s one of those?” and similar. I keep the Wikipedia item favourited for ease of quick reference and I pass it on, educating the queer communities person by person!

My demisexuality

For me, I do not have to have a “strong emotional connection”, but I do have to like the person. Indeed, I have to fully relate to the person I am with. There has to be a rapport. It is their personhood that attracts me, not their genitalia. I do like what is in folk’s pants at the point where I am comfortable in engaging in sexual activity. I have had sex with folk with whom I have felt romantic yearnings, but similarly I have had sex with folk for whom I felt no romantic attachment, just a simple but more often than not intense if ephemeral like. I am as happy looking for a partner as I am a friend-with-benefits (FWB).

To be brutally honest, I have rarely experienced sex with any partner where I have felt that the Earth moved in respect to how my body reäcts sexually. Nevertheless, I love to ensure that my partner is enjoying the sex. I love the touching and the close physical contact. I end up sated emotionally, spiritually and physically.

It is highly possible that sexual assaults and rapes in my formative years, at school and into adult life have scarred me in some way. I do not know. These kinds of traumatic experiences are often cited as the reason behind asexuality. However, as I understand it (correct me if I have it wrong) only about 1% of Brits are considered asexual per the little research that has been done. This one-percent figure is way below the number of folk who have been sexually abused or raped as children or teenagers. So I might shrug off the alleged correlation.

Demisexual taxonomy

It should be noted that from my personal preferences one cannot extract any kind of universal demisexuality. There are variations as there are within most sexual concepts.

A bisexual can be someone who alternates male then female monogamous affinities. Or a bisexual can have separate male and female partners during the same time-frame. Or a bisexual can have a relationship with a man and a woman at the same time, all three in a triad. And so on.

Similarly, there are bisexual demisexuals, heterosexual demisexuals, homosexual demisexuals; there are romantic demisexuals, aromantic demisexuals. And so on. I am not interested in sex at all at the moment with anyone, so that would make me currently asexual demisexual. However, for myself I use the term ‘queer demisexual’ as that about covers it all.

It is not really confusing. If education systems, media, etc. had not boorishly adhered to the heterosexual binary and other dichotomies for that matter, folk would be better prepared for the real world, rather than an idealised one. Sexuality is not black or white, right or wrong (as long as there is consent).

My future demisexuality

Demisexuality is also not immutable. As stated earlier in this blog-post, I have been all sorts of sexualities during my adult life. For all I know, affairs may alter again in the future. I am a naturally curious person and I also welcome change. I have reached a point in my life that I feel comfortable in saying yes or no to something, depending whether it is something I genuinely wish to pursue.

Further reading?

Whilst checking facts and sources for this blog-post, I came across a very clear and concise article on verywellmind.com (part of the DotDash group) entitled “What is a demisexual?”. It is worth a read.

Queries

I am not medically qualified, so if one has concerns about sex/sexuality do consult with a professional, appropriately-qualified medic.

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Once again many apologies for the appearance of this blog-post. I have made several attempts at deleting and reposting with various tweaks. This is the best I could manage. TY Blogger!

“Missing” Published!

ME Action requested submissions from creatives with Severe ME or Very Severe ME to recognise, remember and support said folk on Severe ME Awareness Day (8th August each year).

I am thrilled that they accepted and published one of my poëms under my nom de plume, Criquaer! Follow this link.

To read the text of the poëm in full, please refer to my blog-post from January this year.

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So chuffed!

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International Left-Handers Day

 

Image description: a bust photo of Nicholas Ferroni, educator & activist with his quotation…

I was born a sinner too. My sin is mentioned in the Bible 25 times. I tried to change, but couldn’t… Luckily society learned to accept us left-handed people.

Today, 13th August, is International Left-Handers’ Day.

I was born left-handed, a lefty, and was probably part of the last English generation to be forced to be right-handed, at least to write right-handedly. However, prior to disability, I used to be able to scribe with either hand. I use cutlery as a right-hander, but prefer to drink with my left. I played tennis and cricket with my left-hand, but kicked a ball with my right-foot (footedness usually indicates handedness). See this Wikipedia item on Handedness for further details.

Left-handers are often considered to be ‘evil’, ‘sinister’ (the English word is derived from the Latin for left, ‘sinistra’), ‘clumsy’ or less worthy than right-handers. There are many cultural reasons for this.

For several centuries, mainstream Christianity considered those who predominantly used their left-hands to be sinful. Some smaller denominations still do (see for example this by Seventh-Day Adventists). But when was the last time you heard a sermon denouncing left-handedness or sinistrality? The likelihood is probably never if one is young or not since your childhood or youth if one is more mature. In actuality there is not a single Bible verse that categorically states that left-handedness is sinful. The Church as a whole, however, used passages such as Matthew 25:31-34 & 41, to back up their wrongful assertions - a case of blatant eisegesis (placing one’s own suppositions etc. into an interpretation of Scripture)! For background, it may be of interest to note that Judaism does not hold any mores against left-handers (e.g. see this recent article).

Selective ‘Christian fundamentalists’ pick & choose which bits of the Bible they wish to believe in - oddly enough, usually those passages that appear to justify their own bigoted beliefs! Strange how they ignore other parts that are inconvenient, etc.

As a student at university, studying theology away from the biases of specific denominations was a revelation: I discovered just how much official Christianity (whether Evangelical, Anglican, Roman Catholic or Orthodox) has distorted and still distorts Biblical understanding and how it reprioritises and/or suppresses Jesus’ words & teachings.

For some two decades, I was a ‘born-again’ believer. In all the time that folk had prophecies, words of wisdom and pictures, funny how they could pick on sins but never seemed to find the love to support the sinned agin! Also odd was the obsession with sexual sinning, but a total ignoring of inter-personal wrong-doing (such as gossiping, back-biting, bitching, rumour-mongering, etc., and to which we can add the modern sins of trolling and gaslighting) which it can be argued are far more destructive to the individual, community and society as a whole.

The Church - in this sense, all denominations together - is and has long been out to protect itself and its powerful position. Jesus was a radical free-thinker who wanted to completely revolutionise society (e.g. Cleansing of the Temple). He was an early believer in equality - he was, inter alia, proto-feminist (see this article for several examples), anti-classist (e.g. The Widow’s Mite), and anti-racist (e.g. The Good Samaritan). He called for all of us to love everyone: not some wishy-washy emotionalism; but active love-in-action (or agapē). 

Pope Francis has iterated the call for radical love-in-action (e.g. see my blog-post on his Evangelii Gaudium), but the bureaucracy of the clergy ensures that any radicalism is tempered by an ineluctable conservatism.

Change can only occur if the so-called faithful pursue it. Given a couple of millennia of history, I doubt such will come to pass… But one never knows - miracles do happen from time to time, for nowadays the Church no longer considers left-handedness as sinful!

Political Neutrality is a Lie

 

Image description: a photo of Holocaust-survivor Elie Wiesel

and a quotation of his:

“Always take sides.

Neutrality helps the oppressor,

never the victim.

Silence encourages the tormentor,

never the tormented.”

There is no such concept as “political neutrality” in actuality. When individuals say to themselves that they are remaining neutral over a given situation, they are in effect lying to themselves and anyone with whom they discuss the matter. Taking a neutral position or ignoring what is going on around you, such as the German people under the NAZIs, is in effect support for that wickedness, as Elie Wiesel attests.

In a democracy, all citizens are responsible for the state of their democracy and the welfare of their fellow citizens. This is solidarity. This is agapē or love-in-action. This is social-justice. Unwillingness to support those who need it, is tantamount to turning your back on your neighbour, cf. Jesu’s words in Luke 10: 25-37:

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

“What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?”

He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbour?”

In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbour to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

There are not only sins of commission, but also sins of omission. All folk of Faith and all folk of high Morals must work for the good of all, not simply oneself and one’s loved ones, cf. Jesus & the most important commandments, often referred to as the Great or Greatest Commandment. This appears three times in the New Testament, in each of the Synoptic Gospels. I am quoting them in their Biblical order.

The Greatest Commandment

Matthew 22:35-40

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Mark 12:28-31

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Luke 10:25-28

On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “What is written in the Law?” he replied. “How do you read it?” He answered, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’” “You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

People of Faith who are sitting on their hands and doing nothing, are not truly faithful… People of Morality who refuse to assist the needy, are not really moral. Both religious and Humanist ethics require of any individual that they:

Do to others as you would have them do to you!

or

Treat others as you would wish to be treated!

This is known as the Golden Rule. If the reader follows the link to the Wikipedia article, one can read its various formations or references in most religions.

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NB All biblical quotations are from the New International Version aka NIV.

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Once again, I apologise to readers for the odd appearance of this blog-post. I have tried several different ways to publish and deleted everything twice, but this is how Blogger has decided it is going to be!

All Lives Matter to G_d

[Image description: a US American white, male & female couple hold a placard which reads:

Christ & Racism

- DO NOT - mix.

You can’t love God &

Hate His Creation ]

This sign from last year´s Black Lives Matter campaign could equally state:

Christ & Disablism (US Ableism)

- DO NOT - mix.

You can’t love God &

Hate Their Creation.

Sexism, Racism, Homophobia, Ageism, etc. have no place in Christianity. If you believe they do, you are no true Christian. Jesus made it crystal-clear that after loving G_d, the next most important commandment was to love one another. He himself averred that he came to fulfil and thus replace the Old Testament (OT), so there is no justification for quoting scriptures out of context. To be quite clear: There is NO place for hate, treading in the steps of JC!

Black lives matter.

Asian lives matter.

Disabled lives matter.

Wimmin’s lives matter.

LGBTQIA+ lives matter.

Senior citizens’ lives matter.

Poor, working-class men’s lives matter.

If you do not understand why any of the above groupings are suffering in British (or US or Oz) society, then do some research - the internet is full of personal stories, histories from differing perspectives and data for those interested in statistical analyses.

We all have our own prejudices. The path of Faith calls us to to challenge ourselves and learn to stretch out the hand of amity, of friendship to all, not just those who are like us.

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Peace & blessings! 🙏🏻

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One PwME’s Covid-19 Vaccination Side-Effects

Last Thursday morning, a peripatetic nurse came round to give me my first shot of a Covid-19 vaccination. And I was thrilled to bits. Ninety minutes after the wee prick there were no nasty after-effects.

Twelve hours later, when I went to sleep, there were no ill-effects.

But I awoke around midnight with my teeth chattering like mechanical machinery and my whole body shivering. Additionally my upper-arm had become stiff. At three-thirty I woke up to all my bedclothes and nightwear thoroughly drenched in sweat. Yack! I hoped that was the end of the side-effects…

At heading towards forty-eight hours after my jab, I had slept for most of twenty-four hours. All my bones felt super-chilled. I just could not get warm, despite the sweat on my pillowcases suggesting I was burning up. 

I awoke at six-thirty in the evening for some toast and hot-milk. Basically I was off food.

At ten, with a sense of hope, I settled down for the night… Well I woke up several times. I ended up changing my PJs twice due to dampness. I had an insipient migraine which once I awoke neither developed nor faded. There was hardly any stiffness in my arm from then. So, all things considered I thought I might be on the mend. And I am sure I read that if one develops symptoms, it means one’s body is working to manufacture what is required to fight Covid-19.

So, seventy-two hours after my jab, it looks like no more chills, no more fevers and finally the return of my appetite! All that is left is soreness around the needle-point if touched and some slight swelling. Okay, I took a tad longer than the typical 24-48 hours for recovery, but I did do so finally.

My G.P. has advised me that I shall not be waiting the governmental 12-weeks between vaccination one & two, but should have the second in 6-8 weeks - so hopefully sometime in August. Then one has to wait a couple of weeks for maximum coverage.

Given how bad being infected by Covid-19 could be for people with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (pwME), I personally have no compunction in recommending having the vaccinations. However, I am not medically trained. As ever, I strongly suggest one takes one’s own due diligence as well as consulting with one’s personal professional medics. It took my G.P. (family-doctor) six months to reach a decision on whether having the vaccination was medically appropriate and, if so, which vaccine to submit to.

[Image description: the writer’s vaccination receipt]

Below are the edited texts from my correspondence with my G.P.

December 2020

Given I have had anaphylaxis from eating garlic and that I get rashes &/or vomit if I consume other members of the onion-family, and also given the [Medicines & Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency] MHRA’s current advice, I do not consider that I should have this specific vaccination. Do you concur? If not, please provide me with reasoning and a link or two to any relevant info.

March 2021

The latest advice from the ME Association [MEA] is for pwME to have the [AstraZeneca] AZ vaccination. Their reasoning being that it was tested on Brits and therefore probably is the least risky to us.

A large survey carried out by an M.E./F.M.S. support-group out in the US, found that severe-reäctions to any of the vaccines were roughly evenly spread across the four types used there. So it seems to me, it probably would not matter which vaccine I am given - but taking account of potential anaphylaxis as above!

May 2021

As far as I can tell the MEA has not updated its advice re vaccination. At the end of April HealthRising.org, which is running a survey of M.E. & F.M.S sufferers worldwide noted that:

“People with ME/CFS/FM still appear to be having more trouble with the AstraZeneca shot. Thirty-seven percent report having a severe reaction to the first shot, and 16% reported they were still having symptoms a month later. Not enough data was available for the second shot.”

[ https://www.healthrising.org/blog/2021/04/26/fibromyalgia-chronic-fatigue-experts-coronavirus-vaccine/ ]

If you consider I ought to have the vaccine, I believe it is your clinical judgement which must decide whether or not any type is preferable or not; so I shall accept your recommendation, with the proviso that I suffer from known allergies.

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Covid-19 Vaccination at Last!

 

I wrote to my G.P. at the beginning of December 2020 to determine whether she considered that given all my health-issues Covid19 🦠 vaccination was appropriate, and, if so, which vaccine they recommended for me.

Yesterday, after several reminders, exactly six months later, they confirmed it is okay for me to have and that they considered that the AstraZeneca jab 💉 would be best. I was so relieved yesterday at this news.

This morning, a peripatetic nurse came round to give me my first shot (image of the receipt below). And I am now thrilled to bits. Ninety minutes after the wee prick there are no nasty after-effects. Keeping my fingers well and truly crossed 🤞🏻 that this situation may continue! Ha ha ha

Hallelujah! 🙌🏻

What Does Housebound Mean?

 

For several months I have been attempting to determine from my G.P. (family-doctor) whether they recommend me having the Covid19-vaccination (taking into account my various health-issues), which type to have if vaccination is clinically appropriate and also to arrange for the jab to be given at home, due to my being mostly bed-bound or bedridden as well as mostly house-bound.

I received a reply, after several reminders over these past months, last week. The practice-manager wrote:

“I have reviewed you medical record and given that you are able to travel abroad for the winter this technically does not make you housebound.” (sic)

The reader may consider that the practice-manager’s perspective is valid. However, there is no legal definition of what constitutes being house-bound (ditto in re “bedridden” or “bed-bound”). Thus, there can be no technical breach of a non-existent definition.

I have replied to the message I received and below is the pertinent section.

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Now to the the very thorny issue of what constitutes being “housebound”. As you are no doubt aware, there is no English legal definition. However, there appears to be a working NHS definition (alas I could not track down), upon which the following seem to be based:

“An individual will not be eligible for a home visit if they are able to leave their home environment on their own or with minimal assistance to visit public or social recreational public services (including shopping)” [source]

“A Housebound patient is defined as being an individual who is unable to leave their home environment due to a physical or psychological illness. An individual is not housebound if they are able to leave their home with minimal assistance to visit, for example, Neighbours, Hairdresser, Supermarket, Bingo.” [source]

“A patient is considered housebound if… The patient cannot leave home without considerable and taxing effort.” [source]

I have thus far this year only left my home on three occasions, each time with carer-support: on 12th February for a 3 minute visit a mile away (via car) to my ex-boyfriend who has cancer and who has been in a bubble of one during lock-down periods (equipment: walking-sticks & portable stool) - it took approximately two days for me to recover from the exertion; (via car) to vote in May (equipment: wheelchair) - again, it took approximately two days for me to recover from the exertion; (on foot) to visit my next-door-but-one neighbours for a socially-distanced cold meal on 22nd May (equipment: walking-sticks) - it took approximately five days for me to recover from the exertion. None of these were appointments, as I am currently unable to specify an exact time when I can do anything due to the precarious state of my health. You will note I have not left my home even once per month. In fact, I have managed to leave my bed-cell (bedroom) less than once per week this year. And that is also the same sort of statistic for last year as well.

I am NOT able to leave my home without taking into account:

* carer support - to prevent accident incl. falls (inter alia dyspraxia, BP), to support when narcoleptic ([hospital specialist/consultant]’s term) and general assistance, incl. financial know-how (inter alia dyscalculia, dyslexia);

* wheelchair or walking-sticks [US canes] (e.g. to neighbours) depending on distance;

* pain medication prior to, during and after any journey, time/distance/purpose dependent;

* incontinence-pads, depending on distance/destination/purpose - if I am likely to become anxious, then the pads are needed;

* water-bottle for car-travel as I require frequent urination when nervous, and travel generally makes me anxious;

* rest - I save up energy prior to journeys and rest afterwards to ensure I try to remain within my energy-envelope.

* sunglasses - to prevent photophobic pain.

* ear-plugs/head-phones - to prevent pain due to hyperacusis.

Under no reasonable understanding can my personal situation be deemed to be outside the remit of needing more than “minimal assistance”. When travelling abroad I take one or two carers, depending on need, as I have to be pushed in my wheelchair (partly due to the chair being unsuitable for self-propulsion) and assisted to do almost everything. Remember, here in the UK, I have carers to ensure I eat, take medications, drink and to help with personal hygiene & dressing. I am wheelchair-ed throughout the æroport. I need assistance to use the æroport toilets. I am assisted on to aircraft either manhandled or via Ambulift, depending on the æroport’s facilities. Again this is not “minimal assistance”.

Additionally for the past couple of years or so I have been bedridden [aka bed-bound] just over 95% of the time, up from my previous 85% proneness.

My en suite w.c. is 3 metres from my bed. It typically takes me upwards of 8 seconds to reach it, depending whether I walk (shuffle) or quite literally crawl. The latter I only need to do when defecation becomes necessary (IBS, diarrhœa), as I have a water-bottle for urination.

Additionally, due to my frequent falls, when out of bed and when alone in the house I wear a pendant-alarm so I can call for assistance. Frequent falling is a sign of frailty.

I also have severe difficulties in mounting or descending stairs, so generally go down on my bottom and crawl up on hands and knees. The inability to use stairs is indicative of frailty.

It is my understanding that my gait speed would also indicate frailty. Indeed, using the Edmonton Frail Scale, I come out as having mild to moderate frailty, depending on the time of year/my state of health. And bear in mind, I am not yet even considered agèd!

Furthermore, were I to be taken in an ambulance to Addenbookes or a London hospital, it would take much longer than the journey to Spain, for example. Being able to leave one’s home with assistance does not lead to the conclusion one is not house-bound, but rather the opposite, that one is house-bound without assistance.

So, to sum, I am de facto both housebound and bedridden the vast majority of the time.

Your definition and understanding appears to be lacking in understanding of my personal situation (odd given you are aware that some years I travel to Spain under the advice of both my G.P.s and hospital consultants!) and everyman’s reasonable definitions of the terms “housebound” and “bedridden”.

In the circumstances, I must insist that you develop a thoroughly thought-through policy with clear definitions of what [the medical-practice] considers “housebound” and “bedridden”. It is then imperative that [the medical-practice] goes through its patient-records and appropriately corrects them as well as taking any pro-active actions to remedy any failures to support patients.

[Image description: the writer in his bed-cell]