Monday 21 April 2014

Bisexual Blues

Does anyone notice anything striking about the above chart? No, I am no tart: I have not experienced coitus with half the men mentioned (some names may have been altered), but there has been physical contact of a sexual nature or a declaration of love/lust from the gentlemen concerned. With the exception of Manuel, I have not even physically met any of the chaps in the 2010's as I have been too ill/disabled to do so.

So, any conclusions? Would you agree with me that there is ever such a slight bias towards the closeted bisexuals? I seem to attract them like bees to the flowers in my garden. Is it my man-musk, my pheromones, my epicene features, my psyche, something else? Well, whatever it is, I find it difficult to attract out gay guys.

For the last few years I have been doggedly refusing to entertain non-out bi guys with the result being zero sex. During my three month sojourn in Spain, all the non-out men who wanted sex, also requested discretion as their wives & families did not know. I excused this behaviour in a facebook posting a month or so ago:
I am surprised just how many young(ish) Spaniards are still closeted here. More than half the locals have no image on GAYDAR and most of the rest post images of parts of their bodies (thankfully rarely the rudey bits!). Spain is one of the least homophobic countries in the world; but the machista/macho culture is still very strong here. Straight (rich &/or connected) men are the hegemony! Such a shame for lives to be blighted…
In a similar vein, I noticed that nigh on all the GAYDAR entries are either for non-out bisexuals or bi-curious, only a minority openly declare as gay.

Pondering on the issue has also brought me to the conclusion, that these men are intrinsically weak however physically strong they are with all their show-off gym-work. Where is the strength of character to be true to themselves, to honour themselves not just 'honour' their parents? Perhaps some of it is down to peer-pressure, but again I counter where is the demonstration of inner courage?

Mostly what irks me though, is that I am going to have to get off my high ethical horse and accept offers from non-out bisexuals - otherwise I am likely to go to my grave without ever having sex again!


  1. Interesting post.
    It's a weird one and something I've encountered and pondered myself.
    Since most of my sexual relationships have been with those 'non out' bisexuals, it did strike me that there must be some kind of allure. Unfortunately, it's an allure that's not shared by openly gay men, which is a bit of a shitter as it's with those openly gay men as opposed to the non-out bisexual that you stand a better chance of having that (spiritually/emotionally) healthy, loving, committed relationship.
    I occasionally use dating sites but since every gay man I've ever encountered treats me like the shit on his shoe, I naturally avoid gay orientated dating sites, favoring those aimed more at the (though not exclusively) straight market to try and snag my dreamboat. Which I guess compounds my problem, since there's probably more bi-curious / non-out bisexuals using the site rather than flaming queers like myself, so the chances of finding a serious relationship rather than finding a one-off fuk buddy are remote. But these days the chances of a meetup (at least on my part) are pretty remote. I get what I can from this situation, a bit of flattery from the attention, mild amusement when I escort them through the cycle of coy questioning, confessionals, masturbatory messages, remorse, repulsion, vitriolic abuse and finally flippant apologies or blocking of contact.
    Like you, I questioned their moral compass and strength of character. But I confess that I'm still seduced by the somewhat paradoxical illusion of settling down with a nice bisexual man, who will love me for who I am, not what I am.

    1. So sorry, I did not get back to you sooner. Thank you so much for your comment. Yes, I have wondered whether there is something sado-masochistic deep within my psyche that wants the rejection. Who knows? I am at the point now I should be content to take up any offers… %)