Humber Royal Hotel & Brasserie, Grimsby: Review

My ex-partner and I have several friends in Grimbsy and environs. We used to stay in national chains, but found them to be extremely noisy. A few years back via Booking.com we discovered the Humber Royal in Great Coates, a suburb now of Greater Grimsby, and have stayed there four or five times.

Hotel

From Little Coates Road, the edifice resembles a 1960's telephone exchange. Do not be put off! Inside is a fresh, designer, Scandic interior. There is disabled parking outside the main entrance; although this is generally quickly taken, there are plenty of nearby spaces. There is a separate flat-entry entrance for those in wheelchairs or who have difficulty with steps. There is a lift (elevator) which reaches all floors of the hotel. However most folk seem to take the stairs as the lift does seem to take a long time from being called to opening its doors for entry.

We normally arrive after dark and are warmly welcomed by the ever amiable Kim, but arriving in daylight we met the other friendly receptionist. We quickly fulfilled the bureaucratic requirements and headed off to our room. Unfortunately someone had had a secret smoke and the air smelled stale. There was no issue with swapping accommodation and, whilst we waited for our beds to be made up, were given a complimentary and delicious coffee.

Settling into the room after unpacking, we lay on our respective beds: I caught up with updates on social media; my assistant viewed the news updates. Whilst the wifi at times streamed much faster than in my home, at other times it completely stalled and one had to switch to one of the other of the hotel's three links.

We quickly determined that my assistant's over-bed light-switch was broken.

Our next unwelcome discovery was the shower that squealed in a high-pitched tone whenever switched on to any flow above trickle!

Nonetheless, what is most satisfactory about the rooms at Humber Royal are the panoramic windows that look out onto views of the neighbouring golf-course.

[image description: panorama from one of the windows]

Brasserie

Dinner

My assistant went off to meet up with his friends for dinner; I had arranged for a couple of my friends to join me in the brasserie for dinner. Surprisingly for a Monday evening in a hotel restaurant every last table was taken during our meal and there was no special event or offer. Furthermore, not all diners were guests of the hotel. Non-guests in attendance does rather suggest the brasserie is a dining experience worth trying.

[image description: the Brasserie; courtesy & © Humber Royal]

Mains (Entrées)

My two fellow diners and myself decided we would forgo starters in order to have afters. My guests both ordered the haddock, coated in what was as light as a tempura yet was traditional batter, with chunky chips and very lightly minted peas. The plate of one guest was vacuum-cleaned; the other's only had the detritus of a substantial dish. I ordered sirloin steak @ £20.95 cooked 'bleu' and requested boiled potatoes instead of the chips that came with the meal. No problem. At the same time I ordered a green salad and made the waitress aware of my food allergies. My smallish steak whilst extremely tasty and succulent was served medium rare on one half and rare on the other: certainly not blue. Additionally, despite my drawing attention to issues, my plate was garnished with foodstuffs which could have had me in hospital. I was offered a free drink for the issues; but I said I would prefer that the chef was reminded to be more careful.

Desserts

One of my guests selected strawberry cheesecake, the other chocolate torte. Both were well presented. Each was wolfed down! I should say that meant they were delicious. I ordered the cheese slate @ £7.95. I was served three small slices of cheese, three green grapes, four thin stalks of celery, one halved cherry tomato and three slices of stale fruit bread (no butter). The cheese was straight from the refrigerator (as was the bread) and so the flavours could not be fully savoured. It was the only dish I would say was truly poor value for money.

Drinks

We started with aperitifs in the bar area: one cola; one surprisingly fruity Pinot Grigio; and one Tanqueray & cucumber were ordered from the affable barman. Eventually the order was changed to two wines as they had run out of gin (I don't count Gordon's as it is almost flavourless).

With the meal I requested a bottle of Ponte Prosecco (crisp & fruity with a hint of citrus), but was advised there probably was none left, although there were possibly small bottles available. These drinks took a good fifteen to twenty minutes to arrive with no explanation nor apology for the delay.

At the end of the meal my guests ordered coffee and I a glass of port to accompany my cheese course. Instead I was served a pot of tea and was made to feel it was my fault that there had been a mix-up.

Service

Throughout the meal we were made to wait with no explanations nor apologies from any of the staff. At no point were we asked whether everything was okay or how we were enjoying our meal. However, I noted that others were asked.

Breakfast

Food & drink

The Humber Royal prides itself on sourcing locally, so nigh everything that can be sourced in Lincolnshire is so. I was able to have what I would have consumed chez moi: cereal, fruit and juice; this was eventually followed by coffee and my selection off the cooked breakfast menu - two rashers of perfectly cooked bacon and two spot-on poached eggs. To this point I had kept to my diet. Then I treated myself to a slice of white bread toast with butter and clear honey. Delish! The breakie cannot be faulted.

Service

On the other hand the service was dilatory. The serving staff were more interested in catching up on their very audible gossip. So much so, they forgot to take our drinks and cooked breakfast orders, which on previous occasions had been taken as soon as we had settled down at table. The maître d' did apologise however.

Recommendation

Booking.com and (per a plaque outside the main entrance) some English tourism site both rate Humber Royal as four-star. Compared to Staybridge Suites Newcastle in which we stayed the previous night and also rated four-star there was a great difference, with only the latter seeming to me to be worth the 4*.

Nevertheless, if one finds oneself visiting Greater Grimsby, I do wholeheartedly recommend Humber Royal, if but for the vistas and the food. %)

In/accessible Europe (7): Bristol Dinner Eateries

[Image description: map of Old City area of Bristol; © bristololdvic.org.uk]

Hobbling in twenty-eight degrees of heat at eight-fifteen from the Pride concert we again passed a floating restaurant moored next to Welsh Back near to Bristol Bridge. On my very first visit to Bristol, around a decade ago, I had attempted to dine there one evening but all covers were taken. In brilliant daylight, the barge did not look so clean. As the day had progressed and we had passed the self-same restaurant on several occasions, I noticed that their advertising hoarding looked more and more dishevelled. My assistant and I agreed that if the restaurateur could not be bothered to fix what first caught one’s eye, we probably could not expect decent presentation of food-stuffs. I hobbled on.

We passed Aqua restaurant with a large outdoor terrace. My helper glanced at the plates on the tables and pointed out how the food appeared to have been thrown at them. For a foodie that is a no-no - and I was not yet starving. I hobbled on.

We reached Loch Fyne which had one very high entry-step, probably do-able in my manual wheelchair and definitely accessible to me with my assistant’s assistance; but I was not making the ascent to determine that there were no places available. My assistant strolled in to make enquiries. A couple of minutes later he was back to apprise me that the maître d’ was checking. A few moments later, the lovely lass appeared to offer us a basement table - alas out of the question for me as there was no lift (elevator). The manageress was really apologetic and hoped we would visit again upon next visiting. She did however recommend a Spanish tapas eatery on The Grove. I hobbled on.

Tiring now, in pain and becoming petulant in the humid atmosphere, we detoured into Queen Square for a wee rest. The air was cooler and fresher under the mature trees lining the plaza. I recuperated. I hobbled on.

We passed several more restaurants: some of which were accessible from an entry perspective, but no accessible WC facilities (which is fine if one does not need them!); others were up several flights of stairs. Even a newer restaurant had no lift. Mud Dock had four flights of stairs and no lift!

The tapas restaurant had caught our eye earlier in the day when zooming past in one of the taxis we had taken. It appeared quite expansive with several patio windows opening inwards as well as two or three open entrances. As we neared one could smell the garlic. Upon reaching the building all one could feel was the intense heat streaming out of the edifice’s orifices. The place was packed. But there was no laughter and little chatter. Folk sitting at the French windows were distinctly leaning out, all lobster-red, sweating and looking thoroughly uncomfortable if not downright miserable. As I limped past each opening a repeat of the initial furnace blast. There was absolutely no way I was even entering the establishment.

We agreed to go back to the hotel. However bland the menu appeared, on this occasion - what was later confirmed by meteorologists as the hottest day of the year thus far - air-conditioning was the priority. En route we decided to take a very slight detour along Narrow Quay to check out the water-front dining spots, just in case. On the far side of Pero’s Bridge were several businesses serving food, some accessible per my guide. However, they all were heaving and the raucous cacophony was even deafening on our side of the quay... We turned to head reluctantly to the hotel. As we did so, we were faced with one final restaurant (photo below © The River Grille)

The River Grille was neither empty (surely a bad sign when everywhere else was so busy) nor fully packed out. There were no open windows, so we made the assumption that it probably was fully air-conned. Then we noticed diners were chatting calmly, smiling, some even laughing. That did it: we entered.

Penny, the lovely maître d’ immediately smiled and gently welcomed us. A table for two was no problem. Gin & tonics straight away - again no problem - and we had a choice of gins. They even had my fave of the mo, Tanqueray. Diet tonic was also available. I was liking the joint already! Penny enquired after any other beverages we might like. I requested a bottle of Prosecco be placed on ice. Unfortunately, not a line that was on the menu. However Penny recommended a Cordoníu Cava that was surprisingly light and fruity despite the brut epithet. We left the Cava unopened and chilling in its bucket. Sipping our G&Ts we perused the menus (table d’hôte and à la carte) whilst listening to the tinkling keys of the mezzanine-bar piano. The pianist (photo below) charmed us with light classics and film scores. Unobtrusive and a quite delightful surprise!

A waitress brought over a small plate of tomato bread with dipping oil & balsamic vinegar (photo below) upon which we happily nibbled. My assistant would later have a second serving, at which point the waitress herself admitted it was delectable and that she too had a fondness for it.

As a starter, I selected Loch Duart smoked salmon, fennel shavings, local crab-meat & watercress (photo below). The colours captivated the eye and the flavours tantalised the palate. My assistant plummed for the hake & salmon fish-cake, mousse & watercress. The plates were cleaned. For a first course it was just the right quantity to stimulate the taste-buds and get the saliva flowing.

For my main course, having first checked that they were home-made, I ordered the gnocchi as a starter but with an additional side-salad. Again this was not an issue and I was advised that many diners choose similarly. I use gnocchi as my barometer against which to judge a restaurant: if they do not live up to the standard of my Grandmother, I do not return. In this instance, it is true that my Grandma makes better gnocchi. Chef’s version had a very heavy-handed, doughy texture. However, the flavour was great and so my plate was emptied (photo below). My side-salad of rocket, Parmesan and balsamic vinegar was a veritable symphony of flavour: pepperiness; sweet- and sourness; sweetness. Minor criticisms here were that the salad was somewhat drowned in liquid and there was just too much cheese - not a criticism one could normally make anywhere else!

My assistant had the pork saltimbocca, pea mash & capers (photo below). Once again the platter was licked clean.

Desserts were fantastic (photo below)! I went for the Earl Grey Tea ice-cream with pear tarte Tatin & caramel drizzle. If I had not been so full, I could have eaten it a second time even though it takes fifteen to twenty minutes to prepare, as I was so expeditiously warned before placing my order. Assistant chose the lemon meringue (the straws are the meringue), lemon jelly & lemon sorbet. OMG: puddings to die for!

Throughout the repast, the service was unobtrusive and kept to the minimum without us feeling ignored. Each course averaged at about half-an-hour, which is my preferred time giving one plenty of time to digest and, naturally, to converse.

According to Bristol’s disability access guide (available from their tourist information office), the restaurant does have a disabled WC; but one has to enter the hotel attached as the restaurant’s rest-rooms are upstairs. However, on this occasion they were not needed.

Ambience, service, temperature (on this occasion), price and of course the cuisine were just spot-on. Fully sated. Quite content. Totally recommend The River Grille at the Bristol Hotel. I for one shall become a loyal habitué.