Men Fake Orgasms Too.

An interesting statistic was revealed by the BBC recently: just as women do from time to time, apparently men sometimes fake orgasms (Britain Unzipped). In a demonstration of the dumbing down at the UK’s national public broadcaster, this information was broadcast on the youth channel, BBC3, with no explanation (failing to fulfil Auntie Beeb’s educational remit). Indeed, the presenters seemed completely unable to comprehend how a man could fake an orgasm.

I suspect that the two male hosts did not understand what an orgasm actually is and were confusing orgasm with ejaculation. An orgasm is not necessarily an experience solely centred around the genitals, but can affect muscles around the body and thus can be experienced throughout one’s physicality. These are the physiological orgasmic responses. However, additionally, orgasms are part psychological: a reaction and interaction of mind and emotions.

One can ejaculate without experiencing orgasm. For me this has happened on occasion when I have imbibed too much alcohol; when I’ve been clinically depressed; or, when taking certain medications. Obviously in such or similar circumstances, it is quite possible to fake orgasmic responses. I am reliably informed by straight women friends, that men do not generally whip off the condom and flash their ejaculate in front of their partner. And as a queer guy, I can concur with this observation in respect to my male partners.

Contrariwise, a man can orgasm without ejaculating or even having an erection. For many menfolk, whatever their sexuality, stimulation of their prostate can lead to la petite mort. Yet others can orgasm through nipple-stimulation. Obviously, in these circumstances it will be much more difficult to fake ejaculation, unless one is prone to pre-cumming.

As a disabled guy, often under the influence of medicaments, I cannot rely on erection and/or orgasm. This means I have had to explore my sexuality: kissing, frottage, licking, caressing... A sensuous exploration of pleasure. And it’s relatively safe-sex to that end. Orgasms are not the be-all-and-end-all.

Pain: a Taxonomy

Here is an attempt at classification of the different types of pain from which I suffer. Obviously the degree of pain is variable, from dull to sharp to acute, and differs depending on the type of pain. For example: achy pain is never sharp or acute; piercing pain is never dull. I have listed the terms alphabetically, not in order of frequency or intensity.

This is not an attempt to elicit sympathy nor an extension of putative hypochondria, but a genuine attempt to come up with some pertinent descriptors.

You may be aware of other types of pain than the eighteen hereby listed. You may experience pain differently. So, please feel free to add comments below.

Achy - dull; relating to my fibromyalgia (FMS); or my osteoarthritis (OA), usually heralding damp weather.

Blinding - experienced as searing flashes of light; migraine &/or photophobia.

Cutting - Raynaud’s syndrome skin splits; feels like multiple paper-cuts.

Drilling - into temples; migraine; at its worst makes me bang my head on the wall.

Earachy - probably one of the most difficult pains to cope with as makes sleep impossible for me over a prolonged period.

Fiery - arthritis in joints: hips, lumber, shoulders, wrists, elbows, feet...

Headachy - front of skull (not migraine); this is the only pain for which my prescribed painkillers (codeine) actually work.

Itching - eczema; is insanely worse than a typical itch mixed with a high degree of soreness.

Nasal - a burning sensation accompanied by an über-taut muscular contraction (a sort of heightened awareness or prolonged about-to-sneeze feeling) in my nose in reaction to chemical- &/or odour-sensitivity.

Piercing - sharper than stabbing and moves through my body faster than travelling pain; front ribs thro’ to back ribs or v.v. (sometimes linked to costochondritis); similarly with feet; back of head thro’ to back of eyes.

Pressure - ranging from being touch-sensitive to bed-sores.

Prickly - eye-balls; sometimes a precursor to migraine or a reaction to photophobia.

Shooting - up and down limbs, faster than travelling pain and doesn’t move elsewhere.

Stabbing - in my back (sometimes linked to costochondritis); soles of feet; base of skull; irritable bowel syndrome (IBS); constipation; diarrhœa.

Throbbing - more intense than achy, but less acute than fiery; typically in my limbs &/or at the back of my skull-base and in my neck.

Toothachy - my dentist advises there is nothing wrong with my gnashers, it’s simply yet another effect of the myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME); it can be a random single tooth or a whole jaw of teeth.

Travelling - moving, seemingly at random, from one part of the body to another with no discernible pattern.

Vibrating - a whole of body reaction to my intolerance of vibration &/or sound; it’s a sort of edginess that echoes around my body in diminishing waves; I feel it particularly acutely in my ears.

Penis Problems 1: Erections - Non-Sexual

I don’t know whether due to my disability, my health conditions or my medications, but for a few years now I have not experienced ‘morning-glory’; until, that is, this past couple of weeks on an almost daily basis.

Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is experienced by most men, although as the phenomenon can occur at any time, not simply during the night, the official name is a bit of a misnomer. I prefer the less common term ‘tonic erection’ (tonic in this sense relates to physiological muscular contraction). Such erections usually occur during sleep, particularly the REM phase. Typically a man will experience five such occurrences during his slumber. They are not thought to be essentially about sexual arousal. Indeed, any man who has awoken with his ‘morning-wood’ will know that it is frequently ‘piss-hard’, that is erect until he has urinated. Micturition allows the muscles around the penis to relax. It is believed this is one of the reasons tonic erections occur: to prevent enuresis or bed-wetting. So those partners complaining of being poked in the lower back first thing of a morning, may have to be a tad more understanding!

Non-sexual erections can occur in other situations too. For example, I recall my sex-education teacher explaining, with a bright red face, that he himself used to get erections whenever he travelled on a ‘bus, because of the vibrations coming up through the seats. Been there myself and found avoiding sitting near the wheels helped. Until my teacher explained, I thought I was some kind of weird pervert!

Electro-stimulus can also induce an erection. Whilst this is not necessarily sexual, some men use such processes to get their kicks. So if one should come across some unusual equipment in the back of a drawer, or wherever, this may be what it is used for!

One further issue relating to non-sexual male physical arousal is priapism. This is where a man remains tumescent for a minimum of four hours without intending to do so (so we are not talking tantric sex here). Being priapic is painful and is not concupiscent. One should seek medical assistance where the condition persists.

Erections are on the whole perfectly natural. Just accept them and don’t worry!

Paralympians & Disabled War Veterans to Lose Benefits

This rant from Johnny Void says everything I want to say. Please read it as it aptly sums up what is happening and is going to happen to disabled folk in the UK.


"Paralympian medal winners and war veterans may find themselves stripped of benefits and abandoned to lives of poverty and homelessness under the Government’s brutal disability benefit reforms."


...


"The UK Paralympic Team may be surprised that the Government seems to think they have been ‘festering’ in the run up to the Olympics.  Far more concerning however will be the changes to DLA [disability living allowance] which may see many of them stripped of benefits after the tournament is over.  People claiming out of work benefits due to sickness or disability have been told that being able to watch an episode of Eastenders indicates that they might be fit for work and ineligible for benefits.  It is quite likely that Paralympians may find their sporting achievements used as evidence against them to cut benefit payments."


Number of disabled people losing benefits may top one million

Black & Grey & White

Most of us in the West tend to think in terms of black & white; in opposites; if not this, then that. This in part is due to our media, our politicians and, indeed, our education systems generally being based on dualism (Dualism). But I would argue that to gain a greater understanding and awareness, we need to take a look at all the shades of grey in between the extremes. If one likes: we should take a much more holistic (Holism) approach to thinking. To this end, I offer the following. Please feel free to comment on the whole or just a single line, if you prefer. %)

Dichotomies?

There are fathers. There are mothers. What are parents?

There is fecundity. There is barrenness. What are progeny?

There are sisters. There are brothers. What are siblings?

There are men. There are women. What is sex?

There is male. There is female. What is gender?

There are friends. There are foes. What is an affinity?

There is satiety. There is hunger. What is food?

There is wealth. There is poverty. What is money?

There is hedonism. There is asceticism. What is restraint?

There is healing. There is injury. What are wounds?

There is well-being. There is pain. What is health?

There is ease. There is suffering. What is comfort?

There is sadness. There is laughter. What is humour?

There is breathing. There is silence. What is death?

One must strive onwards. Do not strive! What is strife?

There is happiness. There is hurt. What is emotion?

There is joy. There is grief. What is life?

I love me. I loathe me. What am I like?

I perceive all. I perceive nothing. What is perception? 

There is inner me. There is outer me. What is self?

I exist. Nought exists. What is existence?

There are sages. There are fools. What is wisdom?

There are speeches. There are books. What are words?

I know lots. I know nothing. What do I know?

Life is meaningful. Life is meaningless. What is life?

There are questions. There are answers. What is a contrariety?

There is good. There is evil. What is morality?

God is alive. God is dead. What is God?

There is life. There is death. What is the point?

Everything matters. Nothing matters. What is the matter?

There is you. There is me. What is love?