Sunday 15 February 2015

Some Hurts Go Too Deep

[For IJSH]

Some Hurts Go Too Deep

shrouded from light
in a heavily patched
moth-eaten blanket
torch-light flashing across memories
photographs faded, crumpled or
jaggedly torn
hands shaking
palms to fingertips
oozing sweat
briny perspiration
playing cards with
dated portraits
flicking faster through them
dropping them
to the floor
are they really tears?
picking at a loose thread
tugging too hard
nearly undone
my life, my psyche, my ego
hypersensitive, raw
coming across his photo
stunned to pause
at the child
I bore
but the hole is
too far gone
too late to sew
time, new love, distance
cannot mend
the breach
I will never heal
not even till I reach
life’s unsolicited,
torturous end
a begrudging, stoic acceptance
the damage is done
a permanent rend
in my now ragged mantle
drawing it tighter, closer
about me
breathing in the stale odour
I lost my son
I lost my brother
I lost my sister
I lost my father
I lost my mother
I lost more than one lover
I lost my self
taking comfort, reassurance
I did love
I did live
under my tired, old, grubby
settling down to fitful sleep
eschewing pain in imperfect rest
half anticipating the hit
ready for the next
unwelcome test
unexpected death
or a new someone
taking another look
at the boy’s photo
perhaps really I died
years ago
I’ll wait for him
to come…

[Image description: my favourite blankey goes with me always on my travels]

No comments:

Post a Comment